The Moment We Quit Trying

Parshas Shemini

Posted on April 24, 2025 (5785) By Rabbi Label Lam | Series: Dvar Torah | Level: Beginner

 

And the pig, because it has a cloven hoof that is completely split, but will not regurgitate its cud; it is unclean for you. (Vayikra 11:8)

 

And Eisav saw that the daughters of Canaan were displeasing to his father Yitzchok.

 

So, Eisav went to Yishmael, and he took Machalat, the daughter of Yishmael, the son of Avraham, the sister of Neviot, in addition to his other wives as a wife. (Breishis 28:8-9)

to his other wives. He added wickedness upon his wickedness, for he did not divorce the first ones. – Rashi

 

Eisav is the paradigm of what we would call in the English language, “hypocrisy”. He is acting outwardly Kosher but with truly sinister intentions inwardly. That is the model of the Chazir, which we revile, and the paradigm of the hypocrite. When Eisav saw that the daughters of Canaan were displeasing to his parents, he did not distance himself from them. He rather took the daughter of Yishmael. This is all outward gesturing, symbolism without substance. That is the height of hypocrisy.

 

I remember having a sensitive discussion with my beloved grandmother, who lit Shabbos candles her entire life. She was telling me that she tried to encourage her younger sister to do the same, but her sister told her, “I don’t keep Kosher, so if I light Shabbos candles, I would be a hypocrite!”

 

Something bothered me about that response, at the time, but I was not yet armed with an important distinction. Would she really be a hypocrite or would she merely be inconsistent!?

 

Aren’t we all, in many subtle and overt ways, inconsistent? The minute I Kosher one dish in my house or take any step in the right direction, I would immediately be inconsistent. What is the difference between being inconsistent and hypocrisy?

 

If a person comes to lay a carpet in my living room and he stops somewhere in the middle of the job, is he immediately and certainly criminally wrong?

 

The rug is full of bumps and not every corner is buckled down. If he goes out to his truck and eats his lunch, the lack of job completion is only an indicator that more work is yet to be done.

 

Why should I panic and come to false conclusions? However, if he enters his truck, revs the engine, heads home and sends me a bill, thereby declaring that he considers the job is complete, then I’ll have my lawyer on the phone at the drop of a carpet nail.

 

When one projects to the world that he is the archetype of virtue – the model of perfection, as if the job is already complete, crowning his imperfections and institutionalizing his faults as noble ideals, these are invitations to be titled hypocrite.

 

The Torah cries out to us, “Become Holy!” Does that mean that we are automatically HOLIER or better than anyone else?! No way! I had a sign hanging in my office, with a photo depicting a group of people climbing a steep mountain linked together by a rope like a charm bracelet, and the giant caption read, “DIRECTION! NOT PERFECTION!”

 

I once asked Rabbi Dr. Avraham Twerski, “What’s self-esteem?” He answered in a heartbeat, “Healthy self-esteem means seeing your good points and bad points simultaneously.” I realized that the operative word is “simultaneously”. If somebody only sees their good points then they are at risk of becoming haughty. If they only see their bad points, then they will tend to give up before even trying. If one sees their good points and their bad points alternately, they are taking off excitedly and then crashing again and again. But if somebody sees their bad points and they’re good points simultaneously, then they never get too low because they know that they have something special to offer and they never get too high because they understand that they have faults. I saw a phrase that caught my eye, “I can be both a masterpiece and a work in progress!”

 

Becoming Holy is developing that work in progress, adding to the masterpiece. Hypocrisy may creep in the moment we quit trying.

 

Fools Rush in Where Angels Fear to Tread

Parshas Shemini

Posted on April 20, 2017 (5777) By Rabbi Label Lam | Series: Dvar Torah | Level: Beginner

 

The sons of Aaron, Nadav and Avihu, each took his fire-pan, they put fire in the them and placed them. A fire came forth from before HASHEM an alien fire that He had not commanded them. A fire came forth from before HASHEM and consumed them, and they died before HASHEM. (Vayikra 10:1-2)

 

You shall not make yourselves abominable with any creeping creature that creeps, and you shall not defile yourselves with them, that you should become unclean through them. For I am HASHEM your G-d, and you shall sanctify yourselves and be holy, because I am holy, and you shall not defile yourselves through any creeping creature that crawls on the ground. For I am HASHEM Who has brought you up from the land of Egypt to be your G-d. Thus, you shall be holy, because I am holy. (Vayikra 11:43-45)

 

What is the connection between these two giant themes? They seem universes apart and unlikely neighbors to be packed by The Creator into the same Torah portion. Maybe they are close because they are so far away from each other. How so?

 

When the Megilla of Esther wishes to express how widespread the kingdom of Achashveirosh was we are told he ruled over 127 provinces from Hodu to Kush. The Talmud presents a dispute about the proximity of Hodu and Kush. One opinion is that they were from one end of the world to the other. The other says they were right next to each other. How does that approach make sense? Which opinion is true?

 

I heard an explanation that they were juxtaposed and contiguous but if you measure around the world in the other direction they were at the extreme ends of the world one from the other.

 

Here we have a case of Nadav and Avihu, two holy brothers, sons on Aaron the Kohain, rushing into a realm of holiness, at a time of extreme spiritual elevation, but without with permission.

 

They died on the spot. On the other end of the spectrum, we find strict instructions about which animals we are and are not allowed to eat.

 

From the loftiest levels of holiness to the most physical and animalistic appetite we are expected to navigate and proceed with precise rules. There is no room for extremism in either domain. Every move is carefully calibrated.

 

You might think extreme zealousness is tolerable and praiseworthy in spiritual matters but in truth the exposed wires are highly and dangerously charged there. You also might think there is an excuse when the blood of passion is rushing through our veins. However, there too we are warned strongly to slow down and proceed with extreme caution.

 

Maybe for this reason we pray every evening that HASHEM should remove the opposing force from in front of us and in back of us. In front of us is easier to understand but what harm can this negative force afflict from behind us?!

 

Getting too holy too quickly is as dangerous as yielding to raw animalism. Both are departures from true holiness. In either case life is filled with highly charged electric wires and we must navigate cautiously. Food is unavoidable. Spirituality is inevitable. I would feel comfortable changing a light bulb but not a fixture. I tried once and suddenly all the lights in the house went out. I feel fortunate my beard was not burnt off or worse. Now I defer to an expert, a licensed electrician because fools rush in where angels fear to tread.