Leadership By Example

Parshas Emor

Posted on April 30, 2021 (5781) By Rabbi Label Lam | Series: Dvar Torah | Level: Beginner

 

And HASHEM said to Moshe: ‘Say to the Kohanim, the sons of Aaron, and you shall say to them: “To a (dead) person he shall not become impure among his people…”‘ (Vayikra 21:1

Say to the Kohanim…and you shall say to them: The Torah uses the double expression of “say” followed by “and you shall say” to caution the adults with regard to the minors. (Rashi)

 

The Kohanim-The Priestly cast are to play an important role as living examples of holiness and purity for the entire nations. Where is the manual for success in relating this sublime message from one generation to the next?

 

Rabbi Yaakov Kaminetsky ztl. Had made an important distinction between two important words in the realm of raising children; Chinuch – Education and Hashpah – Influence. Education is a form of direct teaching. The teacher fills up the cup of the child with valuable information and important knowledge.

 

Hashpah comes from a root word Shefa which means abundance. Hashpah is when the teacher fills his cup and what overflows washes over and influences those in one’s immediate surroundings.

 

Which is most effective?

 

I have had many parents brag to me over the years, “Rabbi, I push my children!” They think I will be impressed. While I am sure they mean well, my response is, “Don’t push! Pull!” I explain, “When someone honks their horn behind you, do you feel like going faster or slower? However, when a car goes racing by, we all have an urge to speed up. Teach your child primarily by example!

 

Children are studying their parents in ways the parents may never imagine, and they will naturally imitate their behavior. One day I opened the food cabinet at home, and an avalanche of 2ounce applesauce snack containers came crashing down. As I gazed at the pileup on the floor below a great truth dawned upon me, “The applesauce doesn’t fall far from the pantry!”

 

The parents who unfortunately talk in Shul are raising the next generation of Shul talkers. Those who remain focused on the business of Davening invariably raise children who Daven.

 

One clever child told his parents, “Your actions are so loud, I can’t hear what you are saying!”

The story is told about a principal who called a father at his work to discuss his child’s behavior. While the principal was demanding a face to face meeting the father insisted to be told the reason for the call.

So, the principal told him straight, “It seems your child has been stealing pencils from the other children in school.” The father was righteously indignant and replied to the principal, “Why in the world would my child steal pencils from the other children? I bring home all the pencils he needs from the office!”

 

One of my teachers was happily skipping home on Simchas Torah with his then young family. They were singing a lively tune to the words, “Olam Haba is a guta zach…Learning Torah is a besser zach…” (The next world is a good thing…Learning Torah is a better thing…” His four-year old daughter interrupted the parade and asked her father in all earnest, “Abba, what’s Olam Haba?”

 

He knew he had to address her question on a level she could comprehend. He asked her what the most delicious thing in the world was, thinking that if she said chocolate, then he would tell her it’s tons of chocolate and if she said marshmallows then he’d tell her how many marshmallows. She gave a most surprising answer, though. “Davening!” He asked her where she had learned that. She was not yet in school and all she said was, “Mommy!”

 

How had she learned this? He realized that after the morning rush, when all the older brothers and sisters are sent off to school the mother and daughter sit down to eat some breakfast. The mother has her coffee and a muffin and the daughter has her sweet raisin bran. Afterwards, the mother approaches a blank wall, siddur in hand and prays. The child notices the look of sublime joy on her mother’s face. Intuitively she compares it to the sweetness of the breakfast goodies and naturally concludes one experience must be far sweeter than the other. Davening must be that delicious.

 

That’s the power of Hashpa, the highest form of leadership – by example.

 

Fresh Miracles or Stale Bread

Parshas Emor

Posted on May 3, 2018 (5778) By Rabbi Naftali Reich | Series: Legacy | Level: Beginner

 

A quick thought for the week. At the end of this week’s Torah portion, the Torah recounts the story of the individual who committed the crime of blasphemy and uttered a vicious curse against the Creator of the world. The Torah introduces us to the events surrounding this saga with the cryptic words, “The son of an Israelite woman went out” which prompts an obvious question: From where did he go out? The Midrash offers a few answers. One interpretation explains the Midrash is that he “went out” (he veered off the path) from a misunderstanding in the previous section that the Torah was just discussing.

 

In that section (Chap 24 Verse 5), the Torah enlightens us about the miracle of the 12 fresh loaves of bread, the ‘Lechem Haponim’, that were placed each Friday on the shulchan, a specially crafted golden table that was located in the sanctum of the Temple. These loaves of bread were not moved until the week’s end, when they were distributed to the kohanim. The blasphemer looked at this week-old bread and became annoyed at the fact that the Kohanim were offering Hashem what was apparently old, stale bread. How does one treat the King of Kings like this? He was so outraged at the slight to the glory of G-d that he took his anger out on G-d Himself. He went out and blasphemed the name of G-d.

 

This is rather difficult to understand. The fellow was bothered by a perceived injustice and was standing up for the honor of G-d. How then could he have stooped to commit an even worse affront to G-d?

 

The commentaries explain that in truth, the lechem haponim bread actually miraculously stayed warm and fresh the entire week. They didn’t decay as normal food would. In the Temple, the rules of nature were suspended; the bread was as fresh and steaming hot seven days later as the moment it came out of the oven.

 

However, this disgruntled individual didn’t want to find out the true state of affairs. He was under a misconception that provoked him to anger, and he took the first opportunity to vent it.

 

Rather than step back and appraise the situation calmly, he was looking for the closest target to dump on. He needed an excuse to express his gripes about the religious system and as soon as he found an opening, he seized it.

 

The problem is, venting one’s anger doesn’t diminish the negative energy but rather fuels it. Just like alcohol prompts the urge for more alcohol, so too, anger has an addictive quality. It tends to take on a life of its own, triggering even more anger and indignation. For after all, one always needs to further rationalize the initial burst of anger? Of course, brooding on the reasons and justification for it only stokes the flames further.

 

Thus, after getting angry about the loaves of bread, it wasn’t long before the person in our Parsha blasphemed G-d himself.

 

The word Panim, say the commentaries actually means ‘pnim’ …the inside. Just like our faces provide a reflection of our inner emotions so indeed, the way we see and evaluate others also is invariably painted and colored by our innermost values and characteristics. What we see with our panim is dictated by our pnim! This coldhearted individual saw cold stale bread only because he was impervious to seeing the constant daily Divine flow of blessings in his life that would have been readily apparent had he only been more receptive.

 

In our own lives, when we look honestly at why we get angry, we will often discover that the reasons are not very solid. Others are not cooperating with us or doing as we wish them to.

 

That fuels a sense of frustration and disappointment. Doesn’t this person know they are making us impatient and angry? How can they continue not doing what we want? It’s because they don’t respect or care for us enough. They don’t realize they should be catering to us!

 

When we shout at a co-worker or family member for a slight infraction, the real culprit is not the unfortunate target of our anger -but our own ego that has been offended.

 

Let us make every effort to control the angry impulses that wear the mantle of righteous indignation but which in the end, poison the atmosphere, destroy relationships-and hurt ourselves most of all.

 

Wishing you a wonderful Shabbos,

Rabbi Naftali Reich