Lets End The Blame Game

Parshas Vayishlach

Posted on November 17, 2021 (5782) By Rabbi Naftali Reich | Series: Legacy | Level: Beginner

Yaakov has overcome the tremendous trials of living for over twenty years in an alien environment and being subjected to severe challenges and injustices. It was under these trying circumstances that Yaakov married and raised the ‘shivtei kah;’ the founding pillars of the Jewish people. After fleeing Lavan’s home, he encountered Eisav and succeeded in subjugating his brother’s angels, and was finally ready to make a triumphant return to his parents’ home.

 

Yet his ordeals were far from over. Just when he looked forward to a period of respite, the tragic story of Dina’s abduction and violation at the hands of Shechem ben Chamor, befell him, followed by his sons’ devastating strike against Shechem in retaliation for the outrage.

 

How did this tragic chain of events come about? How could Providence have permitted Dina to be subjected to such a humiliating assault?

 

Our tradition teaches that many factors contributed to this disaster. The Torah tells us that Dina went out to associate with the ‘daughters of the land’; the local girls. It seems her objective was simply to examine their culture and lifestyle. She was taken to task for this choice, as the verse says: ‘kol kevuda bas melech pnima’; a princess’ place is in the home. In mingling with the gentile population, she compromised her modesty and so she, in turn, was compromised.

 

In another place, our sages indicate that her behavior was influenced by her mother, Leah, who, our sages call a “yatzanis;” one who tends to put herself forward even when not wholly appropriate. Leah went out to the field to greet Yaakov, informing him of her desire to be with him that evening. Dina’s desire to go forth “among the daughters of the land” is seen as an outgrowth of her mother’s tendency to act in an immoderately forward manner.

 

Our sages also view Yaakov as carrying an element of responsibility for the tragedy that befell Dina as well. Rashi tells us (chapter 32; verse 22) that before his encounter with Eisav, Yaakov placed Dina in a chest so that Eisav should not gaze upon her and desire her as a wife. For this, he was punished by having her fall into the hands of Shechem. Had Eisav married Dina, Rashi says, she may have influenced him so profoundly, he would have repented.

 

Dina’s experience of being locked away from the world in a chest likely piqued her curiosity, sharpening her desire to investigate her surroundings. After all, when we excessively restrict our children from engaging the outside world, the temptation to taste the forbidden fruits and wander off the reservation is so much more acute.

 

Lastly, our sages tell us that Yaakov deserved to have his daughter abducted for tarrying excessively before returning home to his parents, who surely missed him and longed to see him. (Rashi Chapter 35;verse 1).

 

The sad and sorry saga that unfolded in Shechem was precipitated by a complex interplay of factors, as we have seen. From the perspective of our sages, we gain access to an even deeper dimension. Through these bizarre events, Hashem was planting the seeds and orchestrating events for later generations.

 

Our sages tell us that the union of Dina and Shechem gave birth to Osnas, who later became the wife of Yosef, the forbears of two of the twelve tribes, Ephraim and Menashe. For the Divine plan to be brought to fruition, it was necessary that Yosef marry one who was born of the union between polar opposites; the profane and the sacred. Dina’s daughter, Osnas, chose to connect to her mother’s spiritual legacy of sanctity.

 

This fascinating story is but one example of the multidimensional underpinnings of events that appear deceptively simple on the surface. The Divine plan that drives human events is so sublime and unfathomable, we are only afforded a tiny glimpse from time to time of its breathtaking sweep.

 

In our own lives, we can learn from the events in this portion how to view our own lapses of judgment. We tend to blame ourselves, and often find fault with our upbringing. We examine our parents’ disposition and deflect the blame for our own poor choices onto our forbearers. But all of this is an exercise in futility and misses the point.

 

This week’s portion teaches us that our job is to embrace the circumstances of our life even if they seem to be the product of our own faulty judgments. Instead of turning to recrimination, our task is to view Divine providence, in the context of history and our own personal lives, as the supreme guiding force. In the end, all will be understood and revealed as being part of a Divine plan designed for our own personal benefit and the benefit of the world at large.

 

Wishing you a wonderful Shabbos,

Rabbi Naftali Reich

 

Making Peace with the Past

Parshas Vayishlach

Posted on December 2, 2020 (5781) By Rabbi Berel Wein | Series: Rabbi Wein | Level: Beginner

 

One of the more perplexing questions that is raised in this week’s Torah reading is why Yaakov sends agents and messengers to Eisav to inform his brother of his return to the land of Israel.

 

King Solomon in Proverbs had already advised to let sleeping dogs lie, so to speak. So why should Yaakov place himself in a situation of anticipated danger and difficulty when it could have been avoided.

 

There are many insights and comments that have been expressed over the ages regarding this problem. I will take the liberty of adding my ideas to possibly explain this quandary. We all are aware that deep within each of us there is a psychological impetus to attempt to correct what we may deem to be a past error of judgment or behavior. In fact, the entire Jewish concept of repentance is built on this and can be mobilized for good and positive purposes. This impulse is usually directed when current events constantly impinge upon our lives.

 

We are busy making a living, raising a family, engaging in a profession or business, studying or teaching, and we have little time to think and recall all our past misdeeds and errors. In fact, we become so involved in our lives, that we almost forget our past behavior and less than noble life patterns. But, as is often the case, the past gnaws upon us, and eventually gives us no rest until and unless we attempt to somehow correct what we feel was wrong and even shameful.

 

Yaakov is aware that he obtained both the birthright and the blessings from his brother by questionable means. This matter has been discussed for millennia, and we have alluded to the many insights, interpretations, comments, and explanations for the behavior of Yaakov.

 

Nevertheless, the issue remains basically unresolved, for the verses in the Torah remain explicit, unchangeable, and eternal. It is, perfectly understandable that our father Yaakov should try somehow to make amends to his brother for the past times that Eisav, wrongly or rightly, felt that he was taken advantage of and deprived of what was really his.

 

Considering this, it is perfectly understandable why Yaakov behaves in the way he did and bestows upon Eisav such exaggerated gifts. It may be his attempt to square things and to defuse the bitterness of the past. It is not so much that Eisav should be mollified, but, rather, that Yaakov should become refreshed and more at peace with himself regarding his eternal mission of building the Jewish people – a mission which requires that he possess the birthright and the blessings of his father Yitzchak.

 

Only people who are at peace with themselves can really be constructive and positive in life, for them and others. It is this realization that impels Yaakov to seek out his brother before establishing himself in the land of Israel and beginning to fulfill the mission and the blessings that were rightly given to him.

 

Shabbat shalom
Rabbi Berel Wein