Focus on the Future
The loss of one’s
beloved spouse, especially after many years and decades of marriage and shared
life, is always a traumatic and shattering blow. Those of us, who unfortunately
have also experienced this occurrence of Avraham’s life in our own lives can
testify as to the emotional damage and even physical harm that this sad
experience can occasion.
We see from the life of
our father Jacob that even decades later he reminds his children and himself of
the pain and suffering caused by the death of his beloved wife, Rachel. In
essence, it seems that Jacob never again was the same person after the death of
Rachel. However, Avraham apparently dealt with the death of Sarah in a more
stoic fashion. The Torah itself indicates this by inference, when it wrote
concerning Avraham’s reaction to the tragedy by using a small letter kaf in its
description of the grief and weeping of Avraham over the death of Sarah.
It is not that Avraham is less grieved at the loss of Sarah
then Jacob was at the death of Rachel, It is rather that after all of the
challenges and trials that Avraham had already endured, his attitude towards
life and its vicissitudes was now always one of looking forward and never
dwelling on the past.
Those who live
exclusively in the past are doomed to self-pity and great emotional angst. This
only causes a sense of victimhood and hopelessness. It reflects itself in every
aspect of later life and stunts any further spiritual, social, personal or
societal growth. The greatness of Avraham, as taught us by the Mishnah, was his
resilience and continued spiritual and personal growth. Avraham constantly
looked forward – ahead – and never dwelled on past misfortune.
I heard an outstanding
speech delivered by George Deek, a Christian Arab who is a member of the
Israeli Foreign Office. In telling the story of his life he describes how his
family lived in Jaffa for many generations and how they fled to Lebanon during
the 1948 War of Independence. Sensing the squalor and political manipulation of
the refugees by the Arab powers, whose sole goal was the destruction of Israel
and not in saving and resettling the refugees, his grandfather escaped Lebanon
and somehow brought the family back to Jaffa and Israel, regained his job with
the Israel Electric Company. He raised generations of successful professionals,
all citizens of Israel.
He said that the Jewish
refugees from Europe and the Moslem world attempted to forget their past and
build a new future for themselves and their descendants when they arrived in
israel. The Palestinian Arab refugees, under the misguided leadership of their
spiritual and temporal heads, reveled instead in their past defeats, in their
legend of nakba and, in the main, devoted themselves to attempting to destroy
Israel rather than rehabilitating themselves.
That attitude and
mindset has served them badly and cost them dearly. The past needs to be remembered and recalled, treasured and instructive
to us. However, it is the future and what we make of it that ultimately
determines our worth and our fate. That is one of the great lessons to be
derived from the story of the life of our father Avraham.
Shabbat shalom,
Rabbi Berel Wein
Rabbi Berel Wein
The Basis Of Yitzchak’s Love for Rivka
Finding the right
mate has always been a complicated and potentially hazardous matter. It remains
so today. Just ask any parent in our current society who has marriageable age
children and you will, in all probability, hear a tale of angst and frustration
about the inequities of life and the illogic of it all. In this week’s parsha,
Avraham faces the task of finding a wife for Yitzchak. His main concern is that
the prospective bride be from his extended family and not from the Canaanite
women.
Jewish tradition has
always viewed the family as being an important component in choosing a proper
mate. Though family certainly cannot be the only criterion, it certainly is an
important one. The rabbis taught us that the speech and language of a child is
always a reflection of the speech and language of the father and mother of that
child. People who are raised in serene and loving home environments, homes of
tradition and Jewish values usually grow up to be serene, self-confident and
proud Jews.
Children who are raised
in dysfunctional family environments have great hurdles to overcome to achieve
self-worth and a productive life. Both the Canaanites and Avraham’s family in
Aram were pagans. But Avraham’s family had the stability and a minimum code of
morality, traits that were lacking in the more permissive and licentious
Canaanite society. This was the curse of the Canaanite society and Avraham felt
that this factor would be impossible to ever truly overcome.
Eliezer, the loyal
servant of Avraham, adds another requirement to the search for the mate of
Yitzchak. Innate kindness and goodness and the willingness to sacrifice one’s
own comforts for the sake of others is part of the makeup of Yitzchak, He was
raised in a house where concern for the welfare of others was the everyday
norm. A husband and wife have to be on the same page when it comes to this
issue.
I recall that in my
years as a rabbi there were husbands and wives that would bring to me money to
distribute to the needy of the community and caution me not to allow their
respective spouse to become aware that they had done so. Sometimes there were
halachic or overriding family issues present that even forced me not to accept
the donation. But I was always saddened by such situations.
Eliezer’s testing of
Rivkah was correctly done in order to spare the couple possibly ruinous
disputes in their future life together. And since in the house of Avraham and
Sarah kindness of spirit and generosity of action and behavior were the
fundamental norms of their family life, only a spouse that also espoused those
ideals could bring to Yitzchak happiness and serenity.
The Canaanite society that tolerated and even exalted the
societies of Sodom and Amorah could not produce a suitable mate for Yitzchak.
The Torah tells us that Yitzchak loved Rivkah. Love is based on character
traits and shared values and not only on physical beauty and attraction. That
is what makes its achievement so elusive for so many.
Shabat shalom,
Rabbi Berel Wein
It’s All Good
In truth, our mother
Sarah, like many other mothers past and present in Jewish life, has not quite
received her due. Rashi, quoting Midrash in describing Sarah’s life, states
that all the years of Sarah’s life were “for good.” He must mean “for good” in
a spiritual and holy sense, for in her physical worldly life there was little
good that she experienced. Wandering over the Middle East by following her
visionary husband to a strange and unknown destination; being forced into
Pharaoh’s harem; being unable to conceive children; having her maidservant
Hagar marry Avraham and attempt to usurp her position in the household;
kidnapped by Avimelech, the king of the Philistines; seeing her precious son’s
life threatened by an aggressive and violent step-brother, Yishmael; and
passing away almost fifty years before her husband – this does not make for a
happy resume of a life that was “all good.” In fact, it raises the eternal question of why do bad things happen to
good people.
But powerless as we are to really answer that question
cogently and logically, we should, in retrospect, view our mother Sarah with a
renewed sense of awe and appreciation. Lesser people would have been crushed by
such a cascade of events in one’s lifetime. The Mishna speaks of the ten tests
in life that befell Avraham – and that he rose above all of them. We should
also make mention of the tests in life that our mother Sarah endured in her
existence and that she too rose above them.
“The wisdom of women builds their home,” said King Solomon.
That certainly must be said of the house of Avraham, the founding home of the
Jewish people. It was Sarah’s wisdom and fortitude that was the foundation of
that home.
In everyone’s life
there are moments of danger, frustration, disappointment and even tragedy. Who
amongst us can say in truth that all the years of our life were “all good?”
This being the case we must revert to the understanding that since the “all
good” in the life of our mother Sarah must perforce be interpreted in a
spiritual sense – in a sense of continual service to G-d and man and a
commitment to a higher level of living than mere physical existence and an
optimistic frame of mind – so too must we search for such an “all good”
interpretation in our individual lives as well.
The striving for finding such an
“all good” approach to life is the essence of Torah and Jewish ritual. I once
had to attend a rabbinical court here in Israel in order to register as being
married. As often happens in government offices here the wait to be serviced
was long and the ambience was not very pleasant. The clerk handling the matter
was rather surly and disinterested in my problem.
Finally a wonderful rabbi came
out of his inner office and took care of me and my need expeditiously and
warmly. When I was foolish enough to begin to complain to him about the long
wait and the less than forthcoming clerk, the rabbi gently shushed me and said:
“Here in the Land of Israel all is good!” And when one is on that level of
spiritually that is certainly true.
Shabat shalom
Rabbi Berel Wein
No comments:
Post a Comment