Redefining Grief
Parshas
Vayeishev
Posted on December 6, 2012
(5773) By Rabbi Yochanan Zweig | Series: Rabbi Zweig on the Parsha
| Level: Beginner
“All his sons and all his daughters arose to
comfort him, but he refused to comfort himself…”(37:35)
After Yaakov is shown his son Yoseif’s bloody
tunic, he rends his garments and mourns his loss. Although his family members
attempt to console him, the verse states “vayema’ein le’hisnacheim” – “he
refused to comfort himself{1}.” Why does the Torah use the word “le’hisnacheim”
– “to comfort himself”? Would it not be more appropriate within the construct
of the verse to use the word “le’hinacheim” – “to be comforted”?
Citing the Talmud, Rashi explains that a heavenly
decree exists which assuages a person’s grief by allowing him to forget the
deceased after twelve months. However, this decree is effective only when a
death occurs; since Yoseif is not actually dead, Yaakov could not be
comforted{2}.
A father who suffers the catastrophic loss of a
child will carry this grief with him for the rest of his life. How can the
Talmud state that a person will forget the deceased after twelve months?
Furthermore, asks the Maharal, if Yaakov realizes that he cannot find solace,
following the Talmudic dictum, should he not realize that Yoseif is still
alive, and therefore not require consolation{3}?
If a person suffers the loss
of a limb, his initial reaction is overwhelming despair. Redefining himself is
the only manner in which he will be able to extricate himself from focusing
upon his loss. After evaluating how his loss impairs his ability to reach the
goals he had set for himself in life, the individual must refocus his energies
upon seeking alternative methods to attain similar accomplishments,
notwithstanding his handicap. In this manner, he can channel his grief into
fulfillment.
The loss of a loved one is
akin to the loss of a limb. Focusing upon the loss alone only results in grief.
True solace can be achieved if the mourner evaluates the implication of his
loss, and redefines himself in an attempt to fulfill those accomplishments
which can no longer be performed by the deceased. Very often, a spouse takes it
upon him or herself to complete the life endeavor of the deceased, and through
doing so, brings themselves comfort. The word “vayenacheim” means “to
reconsider” or “redefine” a new course of action. A person does not forget the
deceased; rather, he stops focusing upon the loss which brings him grief, and
instead attempts to complete the mission of the deceased, thereby allowing
their memory to live on.
Hashem Peeking From Behind the Curtain
Parshas
Vayeishev
What a stirring saga! Yosef is betrayed and
conspired against by his brothers and then thrown into a dark pit where he is
doomed to die. At the last moment, the brothers pull him out. Broken in body
and spirit, he endures the additional humiliation of being sold as a common
slave to a passing trading caravan. What could possibly be more devastating?
How utterly hopeless Yosef’s plight appears to be!
In the midst of this hellish scene, the Torah
tells us, G-d lightened Yosef’s suffering by arranging for his journey down to
Egypt to be in a fragrant, scented environment. The caravan of traders that had
purchased him were carrying fine perfumes and spices. A pleasant fragrance
wafted through the air around him as he made his way down to Egypt.
What are we to make of this information? Here
Yosef is being sold into slavery with no prospects of ever being freed.
Betrayed by his brothers, he is at the mercy of lawless people who could abuse
and exploit him at will. At such a harrowing time, would he be likely to notice
the scent around him? And if he did, what difference would it make to him in
his pain and misery?
Yet, we must bear in mind that the Torah informs
us about the spices in the caravan for a reason. Embedded in this dire and
painful event was a secret note from Hashem to Yosef: ‘Don’t worry Yosef, I
love you and I will spare you whatever suffering I can. Look, even here, in
your miserable and wretched condition I will show you that I am peaking out
from behind the curtain by sending you this little ray of positive
encouragement. If only you can decipher my message of caring and love!”
Our lives are a long chain of challenges and
difficulties. Although these hardships may be divinely ordained to tone up our
spiritual muscles and help us grow, it is often difficult to recognize them as
such.
Yet, if we are attuned, we can pinpoint moments in
our lives when Hashem demonstrates that he is watching from behind the curtain.
All of us can be grateful for the seemingly small but infinitely valuable daily
gifts and special messages with which Hashem lets us know that He is taking
care of us.
Be it with the blessings of good health, our
precious children, beloved family and friends or the innumerable other gifts we
enjoy, we are constantly graced with Hashem’s loving beneficence.
By training our emotions to
always operate in thankful mode, we can weather life’s disappointments.
However, if we allow ourselves to fall into the mode of “entitlement,” as if we
are owed life’s blessings and luxuries, we will inevitably suffer a spiritual
and emotional setback.
— Rabbi Naftali Reich
Mysterious Events
Parshas
Vayeishev
Posted on December 6, 2012
(5773) By Rabbi Berel Wein | Series: Rabbi Wein | Level: Beginner
Life generally and Jewish life particularly, is
unpredictable, surprising, mysterious and enigmatic. Yaacov expects that after
his encounter with Lavan and Eisav the worst is behind him. But the fun is just
about to begin. Who could predict that after the sibling controversies between
Yishmael and Yitzchak, Yaacov and Eisav that the greatest sibling controversy
in Jewish history would now begin?
All sorts of mysterious and inexplicable events
conspire to bring this story along. Why does Yaacov give Yosef a special tunic
and show such favoritism in front of his other children? Why does he send Yosef
on such an apparently dangerous mission to find his brothers? Who is the
mysterious man that leads into the lair of Shimon and Levi? And why is the
final result of all of this the sale of Yosef as a slave destined for Egyptian
bondage?
Later in the parsha, how does Yehuda commit such
an apparently immoral act and why is he nevertheless rewarded as being the
ancestor of Jewish royalty and messianic destiny? And why does Peretz push his
way out of his mother’s womb ahead of Zerach?
The Torah grants us no answers to any of these
fantastic events. Midrash offers various comments and interpretations to help
us somewhat understand this chain of events. But at the end of the story, it
all remains one great enigma wrapped in heavenly mystery. I am very poor at
solving mysteries or explaining very difficult, complex torah issues and
biblical narrative. Therefore I content myself with observing in wonder the
story that the Torah relates to us.
The prophet Yeshayahu taught
us that G-d’s ways are not our ways and that his guiding hand in all human
affairs remains invisible, mysterious and most wondrous. This is the basic
thrust of how Jewish tradition viewed not only Biblical narrative but all of
Jewish and human history.
In our time the Holocaust was unforeseen
unbelievable and even after its occurrence it is still subject to denial by
millions of people. Who could have imagined a Jewish state emerging in the Land
of Israel against internal and external odds, expectations and predictions? And
how, after millennium of Torah tradition and ritual observance would that State
bring forth as an apparent bastion of secularism and even atheism?
Yet all of this has happened, and the wonders of
Jewish life continue to expand before our very eyes. Israel has become much
more of a Jewish state than a socialist one. Anti-Semitism has never been
stronger and yet the Jewish people have never felt as emboldened and strong as
it is today.
The enormous rebirth of Torah scholarship and
study within the Jewish people the world over and especially here in Israel is
perhaps the greatest surprise of our time. All of this should make us wary of
expert predictions, all-knowing politicians and other sages who claim to know
our future and what is really in our best interests. Mysteries of the parsha are themselves the message of the parsha.
Shabbat Shalom,
Rabbi Berel Wein
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