Maintaining Strong Family Bonds
Parshas
Vayigash
As the story of Yosef and his brothers unfolds and
reaches its climactic end in this week’s parsha, we are left with the
bewildering sense that there is no absolute right or wrong in the unfolding
tale. Yosef is judged wrong in his original behavior towards his brothers in
bringing inaccurate tales regarding them to their father. The brothers are
judged wrong in casting him in a pit and thereafter selling him into slavery.
All of the brothers including
Yosef are judged to have caused their aged father pain and suffering in not
revealing to him the story and Yosef himself is criticized for not revealing
himself to Yaakov for the first nine years of his rise to power in Egypt. Yet
in spite of all of the negativity and guilt involved, the Torah portrays the
reunion of the family in happy and complimentary terms.
This is true even though all
of them realize that the family will reside in Egypt for a long time and that
the return to the Land of Israel is to be a long postponed dream yet to be
realized. Families are not perfect and events within them do not always
proceed smoothly. However the parsha emphasizes that the family unit must
overcome all of the obstacles that lie in its way and must strive at all costs
to preserve the sense of family amongst all of its members.
The story of Yaakov’s family
is the story of almost all later Jewish family life – of quarrels,
misunderstandings, misjudgments, and yet somehow of goodness, kindness,
tolerance and reconciliation. Jewish tradition teaches us that all later
disputes within the Jewish world – and there have been many bitter ones over
the millennia – are already foretold in the story of Yosef and his brothers.
And yet in spite of it all, the Jewish people remain a family with shared
ideals and an optimistic vision for its future.
The Torah records for us that Yosef’s revelation
of his identity to his brothers was a simple two word statement – ani Yosef – I
am Yosef. Implicit in that statement is the demand of Yosef to be seen by the
brothers as a unique individual and not as a carbon copy of his father or of
any of his brothers. Yosef is the ultimate nonconformist in the family and the
entire dispute arises due to his brothers’ unwillingness to allow him that
nonconformist role in the family.
Every family has
nonconformists in its midst. How the family deals with this situation is truly
the measure of its inherent unity and purpose. Many of the problematic issues
that plague the Jewish world generally stem from the fraying of family bonds
and the loss of an overriding sense of family under all circumstances. All
human failings – greed, jealousy, mean-spirited behavior, spitefulness and even
violence – are evident in family situations. Recognizing the symptoms of such
behavior before they develop – and become chronic – is one of the keys of
maintaining the necessary sense of family bonds that alone can prove vital and
successful under all circumstances.
Shabat shalom,
Rabbi Berel Wein
An Escort for Life
Parshas
Vayigash
This week’s parashah opens with the dramatic
confrontation between Judah and the inflexible Egyptian viceroy. The tension
builds to a fever pitch, and reaches its stunning climax with the revelation
that the viceroy is none other than the long-lost Joseph. An emotional reunion
follows, but Joseph’s immediate concern is to send a personal message to his
father Jacob. This important message has to prove that he, the Egyptian
viceroy, is indeed Joseph. Concurrently, it must also alleviate Jacob’s
inevitable concerns about Joseph’s spiritual condition after having lived apart
from his family for so many years in the Egyptian den of corruption and
immorality. So what message did Joseph choose to send?
He chose to remind his father that during their
last meeting they had discussed the Torah laws regarding the ritual of the
eglah arufah, which is performed when a wayfarer is found murdered on the open
road and the assailant is unknown. The Torah (Devarim 21) commands that the
elders of the city nearest to the scene of the crime come out and declare, “Our
hands did not spill this blood!”
Joseph’s knowledge of this private conversation
was certainly clear proof of Joseph’s identity, but how did it reassure Jacob
that his son had maintained his high spiritual levels?
Let us take a closer look at the remarkable
statement the elders when they visit the scene of the tragic crime. “Our hands
did not spill this blood!” Are the elders really suspects in this unsolved
murder case? Of course not, says the Talmud (Sotah 45b). The elders were declaring
that the wayfarer had not been turned away from their city without being
offered food and a proper sendoff on his journey.
But is the failure to offer a wayfarer food and a
warm sendoff such a terrible thing? Why does the Torah value extending hospitality
so highly that the failure to do so is considered “spilling blood”?
The commentaries explain that hospitality is not
only meant to satisfy a person’s physical needs. It also nourishes his very
heart and soul. A wayfarer, separated from the support system of his home and
family, inevitably feels forlorn and demoralized. But when he is welcomed into
a home with warmth and affection, he once again feels connected and secure. And
when he is given a warm sendoff, he is filled with renewed confidence and self-esteem.
He holds his head a little higher, his shoulders are squared back, and there is
a buoyant spring in his step. Such a person is an unlikely target for the
predators that roam the highways. It is the beaten-down traveler who feels
isolated and lost that is most vulnerable to attack. The restorative gifts of
hospitality can fortify and sustain a person for the long road ahead to an
immeasurable degree, and therefore, withholding these gifts is tantamount to
“spilling his blood.”
Joseph was addressing this
concept between the lines of his message to his father. Do not be concerned
that I have lost my spiritual bearings, that I have become an immoral Egyptian,
he was saying. The spiritual gifts I received in your house during the years of
my youth were my suit of armor all these years. They gave me the strength and
courage to resist the corruption of Egypt and kept me on the exalted level of a
future tribal patriarch of the Jewish people. Remember our discussions about
the eglah arufah. Just as the wayfarer is fortified for his journey by a few
hours of hospitality, I, too, was fortified for my whole life by my youth in
your home. You need not worry. I am the same Joseph you once knew, only a
little older.
This is a lesson of critical
importance to all of us. We sometimes do not appreciate how profoundly the
things we do and say can affect others. Certainly, our children deserve that we
bring them up with warmth, sensitivity and strong values. If we do, they will
always hold their heads a little higher, because we will have given them the
confidence and self-esteem that will nourish them for the rest of their lives.
But even in our myriad daily contacts with other people, we can do so much with
a helping hand, a kind word, a simple smile. The smallest gesture of warmth and
sincere compassion can sometimes penetrate the heart of a lonely wayfarer on
the road of life and give him the restorative gifts that will enable him to
reach his destination safely.
Piecing Together the Jigsaw Puzzle
Parshas
Vayigash
This week’s Parsha continues the gripping
narrative of Yosef as he continues the drama of targeting his brothers as
dishonest people, threatening to take Binyomin hostage in a trumped-up charge
that he stole the viceroys special goblet.
The story reaches a climax when the brothers plead
desperately with Yosef for Binyomin’s release. Finally, when tension has
reached the breaking point, Yosef lowers the veil of the unrelenting ruler and
reveals his true identity, announcing, “I am Yosef, who you sold as a slave to
Egypt.” The brothers are dumbfounded. Suddenly, understanding dawns. The string
of bizarre events befalling them in Egypt makes sense.
Many commentaries touch upon an interesting point.
Why did Yosef have to rub salt on their wounds at this particular moment? He
could have simply said “I am Yosef,” without reminding them of their past
cruelty to him? The brothers certainly knew that they had sold him to Egypt.
Why did he have to remind them of their treachery when he was about to try to
reconcile with them?
The famous commentator, the Sfas Emes, offers the
following insight. As Yosef revealed his true identity, the brothers were
undoubtedly stricken with grief. The first stab of guilt was over having torn
Yosef away form their father’s lap at a tender age. Although Yosef had
obviously survived despite his immersion in Egyptian society, who knows how
much spiritual poison it had infected him with? Had he remained under his
father’s tutelage, who could tell what heights he might have reached!
Yosef reassured them on this score. I am Yosef,
the person I was intended to become, he told them. Had I not been forced through
the ordeal of being sold as a slave and having to rise above the decadence of
Egyptian society I would not be Yosef. I could never have accomplished what I
needed to accomplish; I would never have risen to the spiritual heights that I
have attained. I only fulfilled my life mission by enduring the difficult
trials to which I was subjected. Only because my faith was tested did my true spirit
emerge. I am Yosef precisely because you sold me to Egypt!
Reflecting on the difficult
trials we all face in our lives, this is a powerful message to keep in mind.
The harrowing and inscrutable situations that test our moral and spiritual
fiber will ultimately come together as a beautiful mosaic. Rather than
succumbing to questioning the purpose of this or that challenge, or complaining
that we don’t deserve a particular hardship, let us fortify ourselves with the
knowledge that Hashem will ultimately reveal Himself and the pieces to His
Divine plan will become clear. All the bitter and bewildering events will be part
of a wondrous revelation. Let us use all of our spiritual resources to keep our
faith intact.
Wishing you a warm and wonderful Shabbos,
Rabbi Naftali Reich
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