Because of Them

Parshas Vayishlach

Posted on December 3, 2020 (5781) By Rabbi Label Lam | Series: Dvar Torah| Level: Beginner

 

And Yaakov remained alone and a man wrestled with him until the break of dawn. And he saw that he could not defeat him so he grabbed him in the hollow of his thigh and he dislocated the hollow of Yaakov’s thigh with his wrestling with him. And he said, “Send me because the dawn has broken.” And he said, “I will not send you unless you bless me.” And he said to him, “What’s your name?” and he said, “Yaakov!” And he said, “No long will your name be Yaakov but rather Israel, because you struggled with the Divine and man and you prevailed.” And Yaakov asked and he said, “Tell me please, what your name is?” And he said, “Why is it that you ask for my name?” And he blessed him there. (Breishis 32:25-30)

 

I think we can make an easy case that Yaakov Avinu may have had the most blessed and accomplished lives in all history. He received blessings and promises from his holy father Yitzchok and directly from HASHEM. He produced and raised the twelve tribes that would constitute the Jewish People. That’s not small potatoes!

 

Yet we find that his world was being constantly rocked by waves of opposition. He had one of the most difficult lives ever recorded. The list of chronic challenges is long and intense. Right from the very beginning, in the womb, he was already battling with his Eisav. His brother forever hates him for having followed his mother’s commandment to take the blessings. He needed to exit his comfort zone and become a man of the field and after having spent 14 sleepless years in the Yeshiva of Shem and Ever, he came into contact with his deceitful father in law. He worked day and night for twenty years while his salary was changed one hundred times.

 

Because his father in law tricked him by substituting Leah for Rochel, he was left with competing wives. Finally after having raised his family he needs to run away from Lavan like a thief and he was chased. Upon returning to Eretz Yisrael his wife Rochel dies, and he finds himself having to confront Eisav who is approaching him as a warrior. Then his sons wipe out the city of Schem after his daughter Dina is ravaged. Suddenly his beloved Yosef is torn from his midst for 22 years. Nothing here is easy or pleasant.

Maybe, though, that’s what made him so great! That he wrestled with an angel all night long and his name was changed from Yaakov to Yisrael is a special lesson and a source of inspiration for all of us. Sometimes a person finds themself in a situation, for whatever reason, where challenges seem insurmountable. What is one to do!?

 

I have had many direct conversations with people who have shared such difficulties. The pain is deep and chronic. There is no quick fix. I have spoken to prisoners who see no light nearing at the end of the tunnel, or people struggling with challenging children or marriages. Tragically some have been permanently scared and stained by one form of abuse or another. What is one to say!? My answer is the same. One size fits all!

 

Of course, only after feeling, offering and expressing profound empathy: “Your life is not a simple one.

 

You cannot afford to coast along casually. You find yourself in a situation, in a circumstance where you have only two choices, to become crazy or great! HASHEM has chosen you for greatness, obviously. He would not give you these challenges if you would not be able to stand up to them.

 

However, don’t do it for yourself alone. If and/or when you manage to overcome these profound challenges and you find the key to your own heart, you will have discovered the master key to help thousands of others in a similar situation. You will no longer feel like a reject but rather you will be a resource. That will have made all the suffering worth the while, though it’s not something you can easily appreciate right now.

 

A name is a description of the potential of a person. The numerical value of Yaakov is 182. The angel that he wrestled with, the opposing force SATAN, equals 359. Together they add up to the numerical value of Yisrael. Wow! What does this teach us?

 

When a person is able to stand up to “the slings and arrows of outrageous fortune” and emerge victorious, he not only lives up to and fulfills his potential, but he will have managed to expand and supersede his potential. All of this greatness is not accomplished in spite of his challenges but rather because of them.

 

The Roots of Strength

Parshas Vayishlach

Posted on December 3, 2020 (5781) By Rabbi Naftali Reich | Series: Legacy | Level: Beginner

 

Yiddishe nachas – two words so full of Jewish meaning that they defy translation into any other language. Yiddishe nachas is that special blend of pride, joy and satisfaction that Jewish parents feel when they look at their successful children and remember all the effort that went into them. It is a sigh and a smile grafted together.

 

Child rearing is never easy, especially in Jewish families that demand so much from their children. Even in the best of circumstances, molding a child into a sensitive, responsible person is not only a rewarding experience but also a harrowing ordeal that last for some twenty plus years.

 

And should problems arise – as they often do – the ordeal can become next to unbearable.

 

Why is this so? We don’t find such extended periods of child rearing among any other species in the world. The young are born, they are kept under their mother’s figurative wing for a few hours or days or weeks, and they’re off on their own. Humans, however, are helpless for the first few years of life and heavily dependent on their parents for many years afterwards. We find the same disparity in childbirth itself. All species give birth quickly and easily – except for humans. Why did Hashem see fit to bring the little bundles of joys into the world by such a painful process? And why did he give them such a long period of dependency?

 

Perhaps we can find the answers in this week’s parshah. As Rachel feels her life ebbing away after a very difficult childbirth, she looks at her newborn son and with her last gasping breaths she names him Ben Oni, “the child of my affliction.” But Jacob does not accept this name for his son. Instead, he names him Ben Yamin (Benjamin), “the child of the right hand.” Why didn’t Jacob allow the child to carry the name his mother had given him with her dying breath?

 

The Ramban explains that Jacob was not rejecting the name Rachel had chosen. Rather, he was focusing on one specific aspect of it. The word oni means both affliction and strength, and these two concepts are very closely related. Strength is inevitably the result of affliction. Solid results of lasting value can only be achieved through toil, sweat and tears. Therefore, Jacob chose to name his son Ben Yamin, because the right hand symbolizes strength, which goes hand in hand with affliction.

 

Human beings are infinitely higher than the creatures of the animal kingdom. They cannot be formed with a snap of the fingers. It takes years and decades of careful nurturing and education to produce this wondrous creature known as a human being. And the more effort invested the greater the reward.

 

A man once came to visit a principal of a large school. As he waited in the office, he saw the principal in the hallway surrounded by children clamoring for his attention. The principal responded to each of the children with patience and a kind word. When they had all gone, he came in to greet his visitor.

 

“I don’t know how you manage it,” the visitor commented. “I would go out of my mind if I had to go through every day with dozens of little kids screaming in my ears. You must be climbing the walls!”

 

“Not at all, my friend,” said the principal. “Each of these children is an unpolished diamond. I spend years shaping, smoothing, polishing and buffing these precious little diamonds in the rough, and by the time they leave me, I can see them glittering from within. Which of these little diamonds would you have me discard?”

 

We all have our own shares of troubles in life, but we should view them as obstacles to overcome on the road to personal fulfillment. Each obstacle is an opportunity for growth, depending on how we respond to it. Like Rachel, we must recognize the afflictions that are part of life, and like Jacob, we must see in them the roots of a strength that will make it all worthwhile.

 

Text Copyright © 2006 by Rabbi Naftali Reich and Torah.org.