Death Wish

Parshas Toldos

Posted on November 27, 2024 (5785) By Rabbi Mordechai Kamenetzky | Series: Drasha| Level: Beginner

 

Esav. He represents so much evil. We know him as the hunter, the ruthless marauder, murderer of Nimrod and stalker of Yaakov. Yet, believe it or not, he had some saving grace. He is even considered a paradigm of virtuous character at least in one aspect of his life honoring parents. The Torah tells us that Yitzchak loved Esav. And Esav loved him back. He respected his father and served him faithfully. In fact, the Medrash and Zohar talk favorably about the power of Esav’s kibud av, honor of his father. They even deem it greater than that of his brother Yaakov’s. And so Yitzchak requested Esav to “go out to the field and hunt game for me, then make me delicacies such as I love, and I will eat, so that my soul may bless you before I die”

 

(Genesis 27:3-4). Yitzchak wanted to confer the blessings to him. Esav won his father’s regard.

 

And even when Esav found out that his brother, Yaakov beat him to the blessings, he did not yell at his father, in the method of modern filial impugnation, “How did you let him do that?!” All he did was “cry out an exceedingly great and bitter cry, and said to his father, “Bless me too, Father!” (ibid v.34). Yitzchak finds some remaining blessing to bestow upon his older son, but the grudge does not evaporate. What troubles me is not the anger of defeat or the desire for revenge, rather the way Esav expressed it. “Now Esau harbored hatred toward Jacob because of the blessing with which his father had blessed him; and Esau thought, “May the days of mourning for my father draw near, then I will kill my brother Jacob.”

 

“May the days of mourning for my father draw near” Think about it. How did the love for a father turn into the eager anticipation of his death?

 

The seventh grade class of the posh Harrington Boy’s School, nestled in the luxurious rolling hills of suburbia, was teeming with excitement. The winter had begun, and they were rapidly approaching the beginning of the holiday season. The children had been talking about their wishes and expectations for holiday presents and were telling the class what they were going to get.

 

Johnny had been promised that if he finished his piano lessons, he’d get a new 800-megahertz computer. Arthur had asked for a real drum set and was promised it on the condition he gets grades of 100 on two consecutive math tests.

 

Billy had not been so lucky. He had begged his dad for a Harley-Davidson motorcycle, to which his father replied, “Over my dead body!” He settled. If he would write a weekly letter to his uncle in Wichita, he would get a motorized scooter.

 

The day came and all the kids had the chance to share their expectations with their peers.

 

“When I get two hundreds in a row, I’m getting a real drum set!” shouted Arthur.

 

“When I finish piano lessons, I’m getting the latest computer!” exclaimed Johnny. And so it went. Each child announced his goal and the prize that awaited him upon accomplishment.

 

Finally Billy swaggered up to the front of the class. “If I write my uncle I’m gonna get a scooter.” He quickly continued, “but that’s nothing! ‘Cause when my daddy dies, I’m getting a Harley-Davidson motorcycle!”

 

Passions overrule sanity. They even overtake years of love and commitment. When one is enraged, he can turn against his best friend, his closest ally, and even his own parents! Esav, who spent his first 63 years in undying adulation of his father, changed his focus in a burst of emotion. Now, instead of worrying about his father’s fare, he awaited the day of his farewell. All in anticipation of the revenge he would take on Yaakov.

 

When passions perverse our priorities, and obsessions skew our vision, friends become foes and alliance becomes defiance. In the quest for paranoiac revenge, everyone is an enemy, even your own parents. But mostly your own self.

 

Dedicated lezecher nishmat our zeida Avraham Yehoshua Heshel ben Yehuda Hacohen – 7 Kislev sponsored by Miriam, Josh, Tamar & Shlomo Hauser

 

Focus on the Future

Parshas Chayei Sarah

Posted on October 31, 2018 (5779) By Rabbi Berel Wein | Series: Rabbi Wein | Level: Beginner

The loss of one’s beloved spouse, especially after many years and decades of marriage and shared life, is always a traumatic and shattering blow. Those of us, who unfortunately have also experienced this occurrence of Avraham’s life in our own lives can testify as to the emotional damage and even physical harm that this sad experience can occasion.

 

We see from the life of our father Jacob that even decades later he reminds his children and himself of the pain and suffering caused by the death of his beloved wife, Rachel. In essence, it seems that Jacob never again was the same person after the death of Rachel.

 

However, Avraham apparently dealt with the death of Sarah in a more stoic fashion. The Torah itself indicates this by inference, when it wrote concerning Avraham’s reaction to the tragedy by using a small letter kaf in its description of the grief and weeping of Avraham over the death of Sarah.

 

It is not that Avraham is less grieved at the loss of Sarah then Jacob was at the death of Rachel, It is rather that after all of the challenges and trials that Avraham had already endured, his attitude towards life and its vicissitudes was now always one of looking forward and never dwelling on the past.

 

Those who live exclusively in the past are doomed to self-pity and great emotional angst. This only causes a sense of victimhood and hopelessness. It reflects itself in every aspect of later life and stunts any further spiritual, social, personal or societal growth. The greatness of Avraham, as taught us by the Mishnah, was his resilience and continued spiritual and personal growth. Avraham constantly looked forward – ahead – and never dwelled on past misfortune.

 

I heard an outstanding speech delivered by George Deek, a Christian Arab who is a member of the Israeli Foreign Office. In telling the story of his life he describes how his family lived in Jaffa for many generations and how they fled to Lebanon during the 1948 War of Independence.

 

Sensing the squalor and political manipulation of the refugees by the Arab powers, whose sole goal was the destruction of Israel and not in saving and resettling the refugees, his grandfather escaped Lebanon and somehow brought the family back to Jaffa and Israel, regained his job with the Israel Electric Company. He raised generations of successful professionals, all citizens of Israel.

 

He said that the Jewish refugees from Europe and the Moslem world attempted to forget their past and build a new future for themselves and their descendants when they arrived in Israel. The Palestinian Arab refugees, under the misguided leadership of their spiritual and temporal heads, reveled instead in their past defeats, in their legend of nakba and, in the main, devoted themselves to attempting to destroy Israel rather than rehabilitating themselves.

 

That attitude and mindset has served them badly and cost them dearly. The past needs to be remembered and recalled, treasured and instructive to us. However, it is the future and what we make of it that ultimately determines our worth and our fate. That is one of the great lessons to be derived from the story of the life of our father Avraham.

 

Shabbat shalom,
Rabbi Berel Wein

 

 

Blessing In Disguise

Parshas Vayera

Posted on November 4, 2020 (5781) By Rabbi Mordechai Kamenetzky | Series: Drasha| Level: Beginner

In Pashas Vayera, Sora, the 90-year-old wife of Avraham, receives a most surprising piece of information from an even more surprising source. She is told by Arab nomads, who had found obliging accommodation in Avraham’s house, that in one year she will have a child. Instinctively, she reacts in disbelief to this prediction. She laughs.

 

Immediately, Hashem appears to Avraham He is upset. “Why did Sora laugh? Is there something that is beyond the Almighty? At the appointed time I shall return, and behold Sora will have a son (Genesis 18:12-13).

 

Hashem’s ire must be explained. After all, Sora was not told by Hashem that she will have a baby. She was informed by what appeared to be Arab wanderers. And though the Talmud explains that the three nomads were indeed angels sent by the Almighty, they did not identify themselves as such. So what does G-d want from Sora?

 

A man once entered the small study of the revered the Steipler Gaon, Rabbi Yaakov Yisrael Kanievski with a plea. “I’d like a blessing from the Rav. My daughter has been looking to get married for several years. All her friends are married and she would like to get married too, but nothing is working. Can the Rosh Yeshiva bless her to find her bashert? (appropriate one),” he asked.

 

The Steipler turned to the man and asked, “Is this your first daughter?”

 

“No,” replied the distraught parent, “Why do you ask?”

 

“When she was born did you celebrate with a kiddush?” ( a celebratory party in a religious setting)

 

The man was perplexed. “No. But, that was 27 years ago,” he stammerred, “and she was my third girl. I may have made a l’chayim while the minyan was leaving shul, but I never made a proper kiddush. But what does a missed kiddush 27 years ago have to do with my daughter’s shidduch (match) today?”

 

“When one makes a kiddush at a festive occasions,” explained Rav Kanievski, ” each l’chayim he receives is accompanied by myriad blessings. Some are from friends, others from relatives, and those blessings given by total strangers.

 

Among those blessings are definitely the perfunctory wishes for an easy time in getting married. By not making a kiddush for your daughter, how many blessings did you deprive her of? I suggest you make your daughter the kiddush that she never had.”

 

The man followed the advice, and sure enough within weeks after the kiddush the girl had met her mate.

 

At the bris (circumcision) of his first son (after ten girls), my uncle, Rabbi Dovid Speigel, the Ostrove-Kalushin Rebbe of Cedarhurst, Long Island, quoted the Ramban (Nachmanides) in this week’s portion.

 

The reason that Hashem was upset at Sora was that even if an Arab nomad gives the blessing, one must be duly vigilant to respond, “Amen.” One never knows the true vehicle of blessing and salvation. Hashem has many conduits and messengers. Some of those messengers’ divinity is inversely proportional to their appearance.

 

What we have to do is wait, listen, and pray that our prospective exalter is the carrier of the true blessing. And then, we have to believe.

 

Quite often, we have ample opportunities to be blessed. Whether it is from the aunt who offers her graces at a family gathering or the simple beggar standing outside a doorway on a freezing winter day, blessings always come our way. Sometimes they come from the co-worker who cheers you on at the end of a long day or the mail carrier who greets you with the perfunctory “have a nice day” as he brings today’s tidings. Each blessing is an opportunity that knocks. And each acknowledgment and look to heaven may open the door to great salvation. The only thing left for us to do is let those blessings in.

 

Good Shabbos.

 

A Hospital Visit

Parshas Vayera

Posted on November 13, 2024 (5785) By Joshua Kruger | Series: Parsha Halacha for the Shabbos Table | Level: Intermediate Beginner

 

The Story:

Another day at school had finished. Sara met her older sister Mia in their usual spot in the school yard. Their Uncle Mendy had just undergone knee surgery that afternoon, and the girls had made plans to visit him.

 

“Ready for our trip?” asked Sara.

 

“Actually” hesitated Mia, “I don’t think it makes sense to go today. I just called the hospital and the nurse said that that Uncle Mendy just fell asleep.”

 

“But I want to do the mitzva of bikkur cholim” protested Sara.

 

“I do too” replied Mia, “but what good is the visit if Uncle Mendy is sleeping? It’s two extra bus rides to travel to the hospital and he won’t even know that we were there. Let’s wait till tomorrow.”

 

“Maybe you’re right” said Sara

 

Discussion:

Q: What connection does our story have with the parsha?

 

A: This week’s parsha begins with the mitzvah of bikkur cholim. We learn the mitzva directly from Hashem, who performs bikkur cholim for Avraham as he recovers from his bris mila (Rashi on Bereishis 18:1).

 

Q: What should the girls do?

 

A: Even if their uncle is sleeping, the mitzva of bikkur cholim still applies. A lot of people think that the term bikkur cholim means “to visit the sick”. Rav Yitzchak Hutner explains that the word “bikkur” actually means to check on the sick person to see how they can be helped (Iggros & Kesavim no. 36). In fact, in Israeli hospitals, the part of the day when the doctors go room to room to check on the patients is called the bikkur. Even if a person is sleeping, we can still check on them to make sure that they are alright. The Kitzur Shulchan Aruch writes that this is the critical part of the mitzva (193:3).

 

Another essential part of bikkur cholim is the davening (Chochmas Adam 151:3). Being with the sick person helps us to daven for them with more kavana. Sara and Mia can daven for their uncle anywhere, but it is very special to daven in his room. This is because the shechina is present at bedside of sick people (Kitzur Shulchan Aruch 193:4). These tefilos receive special attention from Hashem.

 

Back to Our Story:

Three bus rides later, the girls arrived at the hospital. They found their Uncle Mendy sleeping comfortably in his room. The girls took their sidurim out of their schoolbags, and quietly recited Tehilim for their uncle.

 

Later, as Mia scanned the room, she noted her uncle’s toothbrush on the floor. “It’s really dirty!

 

There’s a pharmacy next door. Let’s buy Uncle Mendy a new toothbrush”.

 

The next morning Uncle Mendy awoke and was surprised to see a shiny pink toothbrush next to his bed along with a note from Sara and Mia wishing him a refua sheleima.

 

(Written by Josh and Tammy Kruger, in collaboration with Rabbi Yehoshua Pfeffer of the Institute for Dayanim)

 

 

The Kindness Factor

Parshas Lech Lecha

Posted on November 5, 2024 (5785) By Rabbi Naftali Reich | Series: Legacy | Level: Beginner

 

Kindness is gentle. Faith is fierce. Kindness is soft. Faith is inflexible. Kindness is accommodating. Faith is dogmatic. Does this mean that a person cannot be kind and faithful at the same time. Of course not. A person can certainly be kind-hearted to other people yet rigidly faithful in his own beliefs. Nonetheless, these two characteristics tap into distinctly different parts of the psyche.

 

And yet, in this week’s Torah portion we find a strange paradox. Abraham, the first patriarch of the Jewish people, is introduced as the paragon of faith. In a world seething with idolatry, Abraham sees through the myth and the nonsense and recognizes the one and only eternal omnipotent Creator. With extraordinary faith, he follows Hashem’s commands enthusiastically and without question. He becomes the ultimate man of faith, the perfect role model for all future generations.

 

At the same time, Abraham emerges from the pages of the Torah as a man of incredible kindness. Amazingly, he even begs leave from a divine encounter to run after three ragged dusty travelers and invite them into his home. There is no greater role model for kindness and hospitality than Abraham in all the history of the world. Is it merely a coincidence that the same person achieved the ultimate levels of kindness and faith, these two widely disparate virtues?

 

Or is there indeed some connection between the two?

 

Let us reflect for a moment on a rather intriguing question. For twenty generations before Abraham, idolatry had held the world in an iron grip. No voice of reason declared the unity of the Master of the Universe until Abraham. Why was this so? Were there no intelligent people among the millions who passed through the world during this time? Was there no one clever enough to discern the utter foolishness of the idolatrous cults?

 

Quite likely, there were considerably more than a few people capable of recognizing the Creator in the centuries before Abraham. Why didn’t they? Because they preferred not to think about it. Idolatry demanded a considerable amount of homage from people, but it also allowed them unlimited license. The idolatrous cults espoused no systems of morality. They did not encourage self-improvement and the striving for transcendent spirituality. Instead, they allowed, and even encouraged, the indulgence of every carnal impulse. The people of those times were steeped in greed and all sorts of gratification, and they had little interest in ideologies that would restrict their pleasures.

 

Why then was Abraham able to escape this mold? Because his innate kindness and compassion led him to rise above base egotism. Because he was able to look beyond himself, he recognized the truth of the universe. It was his kindness that led him to faith.

 

A young man from a religious family strayed and eventually abandoned his religion altogether. His family persuaded him to discuss his newly chosen way of life with a certain great sage.

“Tell me, young man,” said the sage. “Why did you abandon the ways of your forefathers?”

 

“Because they didn’t make sense,” the young man replied, and he went on to list numerous questions and arguments.

 

The sage listened gravely and nodded from time to time. “Very interesting,” he said. “You know, of course, that it’s not the first time we’ve heard these questions. When did you first think about them?”

 

“Well,” said the young man, fidgeting. “In the last year or two.”

 

“When you discovered the outside world?” asked the sage.

 

“Yes,” the young man replied, his voice barely audible.

 

“You are an intelligent young fellow,” said the sage. “Yet you didn’t have these question until recently.

 

 You know why? Because you had no need for them. But now that you see what kind of opportunities await you out there, you needed these questions to set you free.”

 

In our own lives, contemporary society constantly presents us with all sorts of distractions and temptations which can easily lead us away from the pure path of Judaism. In these circumstances, it is easy to rationalize, to tell ourselves that the Torah is being unnecessarily stringent in certain things and that a little bit of this and just a wee bit of that cannot really do any harm. But is it truly our rationalism speaking?

 

Or is it perhaps our wants and desires? Only when we rise above our self-interest can we expect to recognize the true meaning of life.

 

Text Copyright © 2008 by Rabbi Naftali Reich and Torah.org.

 

A Life of Blessing

Parshas Lech Lecha

Posted on November 8, 2019 (5780) By Rabbi Label Lam | Series: Dvar Torah| Level: Beginner

And HASHEM said to Avram, “Go for yourself from your land, from your birthplace, and from your father’s house, to the land that I will show you. And I will make you into a great nation, and I will bless you, and I will make your name great, and you shall be a blessing. And I will bless those who bless you, and the one who curses you I will curse, and all the families of the earth shall be blessed through you.” (Breishis 12:1-3) and I will bless you: with money (Rashi)

 

Essentially Avram, who later became Avraham, is being offered an incentive – compensation package for braving to leave everything near and dear, land, birthplace, and family. He is promised, not just family, but a great nation, prosperity, to carry out his enormous dreams, and fame too.  It’s the conclusion of that verse that seems incongruent with the first three parts. “…and you shall be a blessing”.

 

Usually when someone enjoys such incredible success, family, fortune, and fame, then they are not such a blessing. Power corrupts, and absolute power corrupts absolutely. The ego is easily intoxicated with even its tiniest triumphs. However, Avraham is being promised that, with all his attainments, he will be a blessing. It’s a steep challenge. How can it be done?

 

The Chovos HaLevavos outlines three reasons why HASHEM might grant someone wealth, and he offers signs, symptoms that indicate which reason is at play.

 

1)     A person might be granted wealth as a punishment. The indication that it is so, is that his wealth is the direct cause for his problems and his ultimate downfall. He falls off his yacht and drowns and the police are unable to determine whether it was foul play or a suicide. All the while he was poor nobody was interested in his demise. Now there is a whole host of suspects and motives, and he is top on the list.

 

2)     Someone might be a recipient of wealth as a test. In this situation the person is paralyzed with indecision. He is so busy just trying to preserve his treasures that he cannot spend it on himself or on others. He only worries and frets and fears losing it but neither he nor anyone else gets benefit from his fortune.

 

3)   In the minority of cases a person is made wealthy as a reward. This is evident by the fact that its recipient uses the money to accomplish more and more in the arena of Torah and Mitzvos. He is able to find more time to learn and he gives more Tzedaka. The son of a wealthy businessman asked me years ago, “How does the Torah look at people with lots of money?” I don’t know if I would give as sharp of an answer today but I told him blankly, “Money is like manure. If you spread it on a field of Mitzvos like fertilizer, then it catalyzes really well. If you just hold on to it, then it will tend to stink!”

When I was learning this piece in my original copy of Chovos HaLevavos I actually wrote down the name of one person I felt certain fell into this third category of having been blessed with money. Reb Ezriel Tauber ztl. was a wealthy businessman and he dedicated his life to teaching and writing and supporting Torah all over the world.  His lifestyle was modest, and all his children were as equally zealous for Torah and Mitzvos as he was. None were spoiled by the presence of wealth.

 

A friend of my wife asked him how he managed to not spoil his children. He said something profound. “I created an account and told them that they can take out whatever they need.

 

However, I also let them know that that money was HEKDESH GELT, holy money, and any funds that they did not use is dedicated for helping the poor, supporting Torah, making seminars, and building Yeshivas.” They respected and honored those values he lived and so he merited a life of blessing.