Smokescreen
Parshas Vayeitzei
Posted on December 5,
2024 (5785) By Rabbi Mordechai Kamenetzky | Series: Drasha| Level: Beginner
It just doesn’t make
sense. After more than twenty years of toiling in the house of Lavan (Laban),
Yaakov (Jacob) wants out. He should have been entitled to. After all, he
married Lavan’s daughters in exchange for years of tending the sheep, He
increased Lavan’s livestock population many fold, and he was a faithful
son-in-law despite a conniving huckster of a father-in-law. Yet when Yaakov
leaves Lavan’s home with his wives, children, and flocks, he sneaks out,
fearing that Lavan would never let him leave. He is pursued by Lavan who chases
him with a vengeance. But Yaakov is lucky. Hashem appears
to Lavan in a dream and warns him not to harm Yaakov. Eventually, Lavan
overtakes Yaakov and accosts him. “Why have you led my daughters away like
captives of the sword? Why have you fled, secretly, without notifying me?
Had you told me you wanted
to leave I would have sent you off with song and music!” (Genesis 31:26-27)
Yaakov answers his
father-in-law by declaring his fear. “You would have stolen your daughters from
me.” Lavan then searched all of Yaakov’s belongings looking for idols missing
from his collection. Yaakov was outraged. He simply did not understand what
Lavan wanted. Yaakov responds to the attack by detailing the tremendous amount
of selfless work, through scorching heat and freezing nights, that he toiled in
order to make Lavan a wealthy man. Reviewing the care and concern that he had
for his wives and children, Yaakov declares that he is not worthy of the
mean-spirited attacks made by his father-in-law, Lavan. And,” Yaakov adds, “If
not for the protection of Hashem, Lavan would have
sent me away empty handed.” (Genesis 31:38-42)
Yet Lavan is unmoved. Like
a stoic, unyielding dictator, Lavan responds. “The daughters are my daughters,
the children are my children, the flock is my flock and all that you see is
mine.” (Genesis 31:43)
What can be going on in
Lavan’s mind? What motivates a man to be so selfish and unreasonable?
My friend Reb Yossel Czopnik
told me the following true story about Yankel, a heavy smoker who went to see a
certain hypnotist who had cured a large number of people. In a method that
combined hypnosis, electrodes, and a little cajoling while placing little metal
balls behind the ears, patients swore that the urge to smoke had been totally
eradicated from their minds.
Yankel went to the doctor
and underwent the entire ritual. The balls went behind his ears, the electrodes
were attached to his temples, and the doctor began to talk.
“Let me ask you, Yankel,”
questioned the doctor of the well wired patient, “every time you inhale a
cigarette do you know what is happening? Close your eyes and imagine your lips
puckered around the tail pipe of a New York City bus! Now, take a deep breath.
Imagine all those noxious fumes filling your lungs! That is what the cigarettes
are doing to you!”
Yankel went home that
night still wanting a smoke but decided to hold off. “Maybe it takes one
night,” he thought.
The next morning nothing
seemed to change. In fact, on his way to work, he had queasy feelings. As soon
as he entered his office Yankel picked up the telephone and called the doctor.
“So,” asked the doctor,
“How do you feel? I’m sure you didn’t have a cigarette yet! I bet you have no
desire for them anymore!”
Yankel was hesitant.
“Honestly, Doc. I’m not sure. One thing I can tell you, however. All morning
long, on my way to work I was chasing city buses!”
Lavan just wouldn’t get
it. No matter how clearly Yaakov explained his case, twenty years of work, the
devoted labor under scorching heat and freezing cold, Lavan just stood unmoved.
“The daughters are my
daughters, the children are my children, and whatever you have is mine.”
When the sickness of egocentrism
overtakes the emotional stability of a human soul; one can talk, cajole, or
persuade. The Almighty can even appear in a dream and do his part. It is
helpless. Unless one actually takes the initiative to realize his or her
shortcomings, anything that anyone may tell them is only a blast of noxious
air.
Parshas Vayeitzei
Posted on December 5, 2024 (5785) By Rabbi
Yochanan Zweig | Series: Rabbi
Zweig on the Parsha| Level: Intermediate Beginner
And Yaakov said to his
brothers, ‘Gather stones!’…” (31:46)
After spending twenty
years in Charan, Yaakov flees with his family to Eretz Yisroel. Lavan pursues
Yaakov with the intention of killing him{1}. However, Hashem intervenes
and warns Lavan not to harm Yaakov{2}. When he confronts Yaakov, Lavan proposes
a treaty. Among the terms of the treaty a landmark is designated on the border
between Canaan and Aram which both parties agree not to cross with hostile
intentions{3}. The verse records “Yaakov said to his brothers ‘Gather stones!’
So they gathered stones for a mound upon which they ate a meal{4}.”
The commentaries disagree
as to who the “brothers” of Yaakov are and what eating upon this mound
signifies The Ramban understands that the brothers are Lavan’s companions and
the meal is part of the covenant, signaling mutual acceptance of the pact{5}.
However, Rashi maintains that the brothers are, in fact,
Yaakov’s children, and that they are referred to as “brothers” because they
stand by Yaakov in battle and times of distress{6}. The meal, therefore,
signifies Yaakov staking his claim to the area past the Aramean border{7}.
The bond between children
and parents is even closer than that between siblings. How does the Torah’s
referring to Yaakov’s children as his “brothers” reflect their commitment to
their father in battle? What insight into the parent-child relationship is
the Torah offering?
Commensurate to the
responsibility a parent expects his child to assume, is the independence which
the parent must be willing to allow his child to acquire. Parents must allow
their children the freedom to stand on their own. Not given this freedom, a
child will perceive himself as completely subordinate in his position vis-à-vis
his parents, for they have always been his caretakers and providers. Consequently,
he will never be in the proper state of mind to assume the mantle of
responsibility required by his parents.
Rashi is explaining that Yaakov does not call his
children “brothers” because they go to battle with him, rather, to assure that
they would be able to go to battle with him. A child has a greater commitment
to his parent than to his sibling. However, this does not ensure that he will
be more effective in performing the task required. A child who views his parents
as his protectors, will be ineffective in their defense. By Yaakov giving his
children a sense of equality, he brings forth from within them a new level of
responsibility which would be required in dire straits.
1.Yerushalmi, Pe’ah 1:1
2.31:24
3.31:44
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