A Father’s Blessing

Parshas Vayechi

Posted on December 27, 2023 (5784) By Rabbi Naftali Reich | Series: Legacy | Level: Beginner

It is an intensely Jewish and awe-inspiring spectacle. The father lifts his hands, and the child bows his head. The father places his hands on the child’s head, closes his eyes and begins to whisper his blessing. It matters not if the father is a great sage or a simple man, the blessing draws its power from the sincerity of the father.

 

Come, let us move a little closer and listen to the words he is saying. “May the Lord establish you like Ephraim and Menashe! May Hashem bless you and protect you . . .” These are the words our Sages, based on Jacob’s instructions, have instituted as the formula for the paternal blessing. But why Ephraim and Menashe? What was so special about Joseph’s sons that they have become the paragons to which all Jewish children aspire?

 

In this week’s parshah, we witness the emotional scene of Jacob blessing his grandsons Ephraim and Menashe from his deathbed. As Jacob reaches out to place his hands on their heads, he sees that Joseph has positioned the older Menashe to receive his grandfather’s right hand, which is considered predominant, and the younger Ephraim to receive the left. But Jacob sees greater things in Ephraim’s future, and he “maneuvers his hands,” crossing over with the right hand to place it on Ephraim’s head and the left on Menashe’s.

 

We would not have been surprised had the elder Menashe resented the preeminence accorded to his younger brother, but there is not the slightest hint of such a reaction in the Torah. Nor do we find any hint of Ephraim feeling suddenly superior. On the contrary, Menashe and Ephraim were both perfectly content with the roles they had been assigned to play in the destiny of the Jewish people. There was absolutely no discord between these two brothers, only a desire to fulfill their own individual destinies to the best of their abilities and a selfless dedication to their common goal of doing what was best for the Jewish people as a whole.

 

This, the commentators explain, is the perfect blessing a father can give his son. The most blessed state a person can achieve is to reach his own full potential while maintaining a sense of equilibrium – or in our contemporary phraseology, to be a “contented overachiever.” This is quite an accomplishment, but we can attain it if we rise above the pettiness of coveting what Heaven has chosen to grant someone else. If we look inward at what we ourselves can be, we can focus on our growth and, at the same time, relate to other people in a positive, giving and compassionate way. If, however, we look outward at what others have been given, we will never find contentment and the growth that it fosters. Ephraim and Menashe found that rare harmony of achievement and contentment, and we bless our children that they should find it as well.

 

A weary traveler was returning home after a long journey. As he trudged along the road, he tried not to think of the blisters on his feet. Instead, he thought only about his younger brother’s wedding, which was to take place the following day. One day’s march more, and he would be home.

 

Suddenly, he heard the clatter of hooves, and he turned and saw a beautiful coach. “My good man,” he called out to the coachman. “Can I catch a ride with you for a ways? I’ll sit beside you on the bench, and I’ll tell you where I have to get off.”

 

“Today’s your lucky day,” said the coachman. “No one’s using the coach. You can ride inside.”

The traveler couldn’t believe his good fortune as he sank into the plush upholstery. Within moments, he was fast asleep.

 

He slept for hours while the coach followed a bewildering course of highways and roads. Finally, the coach pulled to a halt, and the traveler awoke. The sun was sinking in the sky as he rubbed his eyes and looked about him.

 

“Where are we?” he asked.

 

The coachman mentioned the name of a town.

 

“What!” the traveler cried out in anguish. “I’ll never get to my destination in time. We’ve been riding in the opposite direction!”

 

“Well, look at the bright side,” said the coachman. “At least your ride was comfortable.”

 

A comfortable ride is not much consolation when one is going in the wrong direction. And if we devote too much of our energy to comfort and status, we may very well lose sight of the true destination in our journey through life. Especially in our own times, when there is such peer pressure to focus on the accumulation of comforts, we would do better to focus on the activities that help us reach our destination. And when we sit down to define the goals of our lives, we will surely find that we care more about who and what we are than about what we have accumulated. Of one thing we can be sure – we have all been given the tools we need to fulfill our personal destinies.

 

Text Copyright © 2007 by Rabbi Naftali Reich and Torah.org.

 

Mixed Blessings

Parshas Vayechi

Posted on December 13, 2021 (5782) By Rabbi Mordechai Kamenetzky | Series: Drasha| Level: Beginner

People usually learn from their mistakes. It seems, albeit on the surface, that our father Yaakov does not.

 

The Talmud in Shabbos 10b explains: “As a rule, one should never differentiate between children. For it was due to Yaakov’s favoring Yoseph that led to our exile in Egypt.”

 

The Talmud, of course, is referring to the tragic chain of events that were spurred by the special display of love shown to Yoseph. Jealousy ensued amongst his brothers. Eventually they sold him to Egypt, and the spiral of events led to a 210-year exile in that land. We would think that Yaakov would have resolved never to favor one child over another. He doesn’t. This week the Torah relates to us that Yaakov blesses Yoseph’s children, Menashe and Ephraim. In addition to singling out those grandchildren for a blessing, he does another provocative act. He switches the order of their blessings, as he blesses Ephraim, Yoseph’s younger child, before Menashe, the older one.

 

There are two points we must analyze. Why did Yaakov, still reeling from the terrible ordeal he endured due to favoring Yoseph, overtly display his preferences towards the next generation?

 

Was he not fearful of evoking jealousy among all his grandchildren who were first cousins of Menashe and Ephraim? Also, why did he switch the first and second child in the same family?

 

Was he not fearful of, once again, evoking jealousy among brothers?

 

Rav Shlomo Zalman Auerbach zt”l had one steadfast rule subsequent to delivering his daily lecture at Yeshiva Kol Torah in Jerusalem. After he finished discussing a particular sugya (Talmudic topic), and proceeded to the next sugya, no one was allowed to ask a question about the previous one. This approach would prevent confusion among the many students in attendance. It was therefore to the amazement of all the pupils when Rabbi Auerbach entertained a question from an otherwise very quiet student on a topic he had finished discussing twenty minutes prior. He proceeded to backtrack to the earlier topic and reexamined the entire thought process in intricate detail. All the students were astounded.

 

They had distinctly remembered their Rebbe explaining everything clearly the first time. After the lecture a few of the older students approached the sage to question his favoring the younger student with his departure from an otherwise sacred rule.

 

Suddenly they realized that the student in question had been at the Yeshiva for almost a year without ever asking a question in the middle of a discourse. Today was the first time he mustered the courage to ask. Had the Rosh Yeshiva dispensed with the question as normal procedure would have dictated, he may never had asked again. Rav Auerbach departed from protocol and fear of invoking jealousy to give the young student a new confidence that would help him emerge as a true scholar.”

 

My grandfather zt”l, once explained to me that there are certain actions that must be taken without fear of invoking jealousy. Certain children need more attention, more care, and more encouragement. You must do what is correct in certain circumstances and hope that the other siblings will understand. Yaakov’s grandchildren all lived under his tutelage in the relative security of a traditional society. There were scores of cousins, uncles and aunts whose presence lent an atmosphere of ancestral observance. Yoseph’s children were unfortunately raised in a society wrought with idolatry. Their only link to tradition was the steadfast memories that Yoseph brought with him in his sojourn. Thus, Yoseph’s children needed special blessing.

 

Reb Yaakov continued, “Yaakov Avinu also understood that even in Yoseph’s family there was a difference in the children. Menashe, the first-born was thus named as a grace to Hashem who allowed Yoseph to forget the terrible hardship he endured both in Egypt and in his father’s household. Ephraim, on the other hand, is so named as a recognition of Yoseph’s prosperity in a difficult land.

 

“Menashe represents the memories of the ‘Old World.’ As long as there is an attachment to that world, perhaps there is less need for the blessing of the sage. But if the child represents the prosperity of the ‘New Country,’ it is very likely that he may cast off his heritage and seek a totally new culture and inheritance. That child needs special warmth and blessings — before any other child”

 

There are times when conventional protocol is out-of-place. When dealing with special needs, special conduct must overrule the norm. One must weigh the needs of the individual and the reactions of others. The proper decision will benefit both.

 

Good Shabbos©1996 Rabbi Mordechai Kamenetzky

Text Copyright © 1996 by Rabbi M. Kamenetzky and Project Genesis, Inc.

The author is the Dean of the Yeshiva of South Shore.

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