Blessing In Disguise

Parshas Vayera

Posted on November 4, 2020 (5781) By Rabbi Mordechai Kamenetzky | Series: Drasha | Level: Beginner

 

 

In Pashas Vayera, Sora, the 90-year-old wife of Avraham, receives a most surprising piece of information from an even more surprising source. She is told by Arab nomads, who had found obliging accommodation in Avraham’s house, that in one year she will have a child. Instinctively, she reacts in disbelief to this prediction. She laughs.

 

Immediately, Hashem appears to Avraham He is upset. “Why did Sora laugh? Is there something that is beyond the Almighty? At the appointed time I shall return, and behold Sora will have a son (Genesis 18:12-13).

 

Hashem’s ire must be explained. After all, Sora was not told by Hashem that she will have a baby. She was informed by what appeared to be Arab wanderers. And though the Talmud explains that the three nomads were indeed angels sent by the Almighty, they did not identify themselves as such. So what does G-d want from Sora?

 

A man once entered the small study of the revered the Steipler Gaon, Rabbi Yaakov Yisrael Kanievski with a plea. “I’d like a blessing from the Rav. My daughter has been looking to get married for several years. All her friends are married and she would like to get married too, but nothing is working. Can the Rosh Yeshiva bless her to find her bashert? (appropriate one),” he asked.

 

The Steipler turned to the man and asked, “Is this your first daughter?”

“No,” replied the distraught parent, “Why do you ask?”

“When she was born did you celebrate with a kiddush?” ( a celebratory party in a religious setting)

The man was perplexed. “No. But, that was 27 years ago,” he stammered, “and she was my third girl. I may have made a l’chayim while the minyan was leaving shul, but I never made a proper kiddush. But what does a missed kiddush 27 years ago have to do with my daughter’s shidduch (match) today?”

 

“When one makes a kiddush at a festive occasions,” explained Rav Kanievski, ” each l’chayim he receives is accompanied by myriad blessings. Some are from friends, others from relatives, and those blessings given by total strangers.

 

Among those blessings are definitely the perfunctory wishes for an easy time in getting married. By not making a kiddush for your daughter, how many blessings did you deprive her of? I suggest you make your daughter the kiddush that she never had.”

The man followed the advice, and sure enough within weeks after the kiddush the girl had met her mate.

 

At the bris (circumcision) of his first son (after ten girls), my uncle, Rabbi Dovid Speigel, the Ostrove-Kalushin Rebbe of Cedarhurst, Long Island, quoted the Ramban (Nachmanides) in this week’s portion.

 

The reason that Hashem was upset at Sora was that even if an Arab nomad gives the blessing, one must be duly vigilant to respond, “Amen.” One never knows the true vehicle of blessing and salvation. Hashem has many conduits and messengers. Some of those messengers’ divinity is inversely proportional to their appearance.

 

All we have to do is wait, listen, and pray that our prospective exalter is the carrier of the true blessing. And then, we have to believe.

 

Quite often, we have ample opportunities to be blessed. Whether it is from the aunt who offers her graces at a family gathering or the simple beggar standing outside a doorway on a freezing winter day, blessings always come our way. Sometimes they come from the co-worker who cheers you on at the end of a long day or the mail carrier who greets you with the perfunctory “have a nice day” as he brings today’s tidings. Each blessing is an opportunity that knocks. And each acknowledgment and look to heaven may open the door to great salvation. The only thing left for us to do is let those blessings in.

 

Good Shabbos.

 Kind to the Cruel?

Parshas Vayera

Posted on November 5, 2020 (5781) By Mordechai Dixler | Series: Lifeline | Level: Beginner

 

The city of Sodom and the surrounding region were notorious for their cruel practices and laws. But before G-d brought destruction upon them, He first informed Abraham. “It’s improper to do this without him knowing,” He said, “I gave him this land, these cities are his… He is the father of the multitude of nations. Should I destroy the children without telling the father?!” (Midrash, cited by Rashi).

 

Once Abraham heard about Sodom, he took this as an opportunity to advocate and pray on their behalf. In a lengthy plea, he explored all their possible merits. “Perhaps there are righteous people among them who can help them repair their ways,” he thought. Ultimately, he failed to save the people of Sodom, but succeeded in rescuing his nephew, Lot, and his family.

We must ask: if the people of Sodom were so cruel and heartless, why did Abraham try so diligently to save them? Didn’t the world become a safer, kinder place without the people of Sodom?

 

A person can be kind because it comes naturally, or choose to be kind from a sense of moral obligation — and it is the latter which is, in the end, more powerful. Most of us have a natural tendency to care for and empathize with others. But if another trait, such as competitiveness, comes into conflict with our desire to be kind, we may decide — even unconsciously — that winning is more important than being nice, and do whatever it takes to win the contest.

 

While Abraham’s kindness and care towards others was perhaps his most outstanding trait, it was still tempered by his perception of his moral obligation to follow the will of G-d. To be sure, the people of Sodom were evil, but Abraham thought there was still hope; perhaps some day they would turn around. His personal desire to live in a safer, kinder world could not distract him from his commitment to what he understood to be G-d’s will. Ultimately the Al-mighty wants even evildoers to repent, and will only remove them when all hope is lost. (Based on Drash Moshe, Rav Moshe Feinstein zt”l)

 

We all have many positive character traits, but we need to think deeply about what really motivates us. While natural kindness may give us an extraordinary level of empathy or ability to care for others, it comes with a risk. At the worst extreme, many terrible acts have been committed by otherwise civilized people and nations when their natural desire for money, revenge, or honor was pitted against their natural desire to help others. It is our moral commitment to follow the will of G-d that helps us to grow and become better people, no matter what other factors or interests come into play.

 

Minimizing The “I”

Parshas Vayera

Posted on October 19, 2021 (5782) By Rabbi Yochanan Zweig | Series: Rabbi Zweig on the Parsha | Level: Intermediate Beginner

 

“And he saw them and he ran toward them…”(18:2)

Parshas Vayeira showcases Avraham’s attribute of chesed. The Torah gives a detailed account of the manner in which he fulfills the mitzva of inviting guests into one’s home. Since Avraham is defined as the Patriarch of chesed, and the narrative in this week’s parsha is the primary example of this attribute, careful analysis of Avraham’s actions should result in understanding the Torah’s definition of chesed. What must be understood is the exposure given by the Torah, to Lot’s fulfillment of the mitzva of “hachnasas orchim”; why is there a need for such detail?

 

Furthermore, if one contrasts the two stories, Lot appears to be more accommodating to his guests than Avraham was. Avraham awaits his guests in the confines of his home “He was sitting at the entrance of the tent”¹, and Lot awaits at the gate of the city – “Lot was sitting at the gate of Sodom”.² Avraham offers a meal “And I will take a little piece of bread for you to sustain yourselves”³, while Lot prepares a feast -“And he made for them a feast.”⁴ Avraham offers them to rest in the shade of his tree “And recline beneath the tree”⁵. Lot offers them lodging for the night -“Turn about, please, to your servant’s house; spend the night.”⁶ Avraham welcomes his guests while still experiencing the pain from his circumcision, while Lot risks his life in order to welcome his guests, for in Sodom offering lodging to non-citizens was a capital offense. If the intention of this parsha is to showcase the chesed of Avraham, why does the Torah depict Lot’s chesed in a manner which seems to overshadow that of Avraham’s?

 

The act of chesed can make the recipient uncomfortable. No one enjoys being dependent upon another person. How, then, can the benefactor overcome this hurdle? When performing a chesed, one emulates Hashem, for “Olam Chesed Yibaneh” – ” The world was created with chesed”⁷– the world’s existence is a manifestation of Hashem’s attribute of chesed. Therefore, creation offers the key to the appropriate way to perform chesed. Hashem created Adam last in the order of creation. If He would have created Adam first, Hashem would have been emphasizing the chesed which He performed for Adam; Adam would have seen that everything in creation was being created specifically for him. Therefore, Hashem first created the world, with everything that was necessary for Adam’s survival, and only then did He create Adam. In this manner, Hashem minimized the direct assistance he was giving Adam, and therefore, lessened Adam’s feelings of dependency.

 

Similarly, when we perform a chesed, we must minimize the perception of our role as the benefactor. This allows the recipient to accept the kindness without feeling completely beholden. We should not accentuate the imposition which the guest is causing us, for the less the guest feels we are doing specifically for him, the more comfortable he will be.

 

Most chesed is not performed with this outlook. We often perform chesed because we find it personally fulfilling to be benefactors. The more we emphasize our role in the act, the greater our satisfaction. This type of chesed is self-serving; it neglects the feelings of the recipient. It is these two types of chesed which the Torah is contrasting. Avraham performed the chesed which emulates Hashem. Avraham downplayed any imposition which the guests may be causing him, offering only that which already existed, such as shade, bread, etc. (once they become comfortable with the invitation, he upgrades the menu). Consequently, the recipients felt totally comfortable accepting Avraham’s offer.

 

On the other end of the spectrum, we see from the story line that Lot’s form of chesed was self-serving. When he first offered his guests lodging, they reacted in a manner which would appear to be rude. They said, – “We would rather sleep in the street.”⁸ The only possible explanation for their response is that the manner in which Lot offered them his assistance emphasized his benevolence. This elicited a response which reflected their level of discomfort. Lot made a feast in which he provided his best finery and his fanciest silverware, for this gave him satisfaction. This also explains how it is possible that Lot was willing to offer his daughters in order to protect his guests. For a true baal chesed such behavior would be inconceivable. However, Lot does this because his hospitality reflects his own magnanimity. This is what gives HIM satisfaction. The verse supports this with a statement of Lot’s beseeching the inhabitants of Sodom not to harm the guests: – “They are under my protection.”⁹ Clearly, Lot is only concerned with how his guests’ well being reflects upon him.

 

The Torah records the chesed of Lot, for it highlights the chesed of Avraham. The important factor in performing acts of kindness is minimizing the discomfort of the recipient. Self-fulfillment should not be the impetus for the performance. of a chesed.