Wrinkles!

Parshas Balak

Posted on July 7, 2011 (5771) By Rabbi Label Lam | Series: Dvar Torah | Level:

 

“Behold! a people has come out of Egypt. Behold it has covered the eye of the land and it rests opposite me. So now come and invoke a curse upon this people for me, for it is more powerful than me; perhaps I will succeed, we will strike at it and I will drive it away from the land, for I know that whoever you bless is blessed, and whoever you curse is cursed.” (Bamidbar 22:5-6)

In this moment of desperation Balak appeals to the lone prophet of the gentiles, Bilaam to work the wonders of his craft upon the Jewish People. With which instrument is he to attack? His mouth! He is to launch words! He has no atomic bomb or standing army or secret weapon except for his power of speech. Isn’t that odd? The entire threat of against the Nation of Israel, ready to enter the promised- land, is in the form of a few dangerously distributed daggers of the tongue. How can that possibly spell a credible peril?

Words are not benign items like decorative furniture that they exist for our convenience or beauty alone. King Solomon had acknowledged that “Life and death are in the hands of the tongue!” The famous British poet Rudyard Kipling expressed it this way, “Words are the most intoxicating drug known to man!” Isn’t it so!? Lives rise and fall on a single word! People get courage to carry on or so discouraged to end it all, based on the slight turn of a phrase. It makes a world of difference if the message says, “I love you!” or “I hate you!” Feelings rush and roar and rage in one direction or another depending on whether “You’re hired!” or “You’re fired!” How many professions are built on the artful science of combining letters and mixing words? Psychologists and writers and lawyers and teachers and statesmen and salesmen and many more are all earning their worth almost entirely by merely fashioning phrases.

Why is it, that words are so central to our existence? Is it only because we need to share practical information? I don’t think so! The entire world was created by G-d with words! We say every day in our liturgy, “Blessed is He Who spoke and the world came to be!” That G-d said, “Let there be light! And it was so… so light continues to run at 186,000 mile per second to this very day! That heavenly mandate still reverberates through the cosmos! Since humanity was created in the image of G-d, with a breath of life, our ability to speak is unique and a feature we share with the Divine! We can create or utterly crush worlds with mere utterances of the tongue! Those articulate sounds are not just waves that temporarily tickle our ears! Words are forever!

Bilaam had a terrific talent for words! He painted the ultimate portrait of positivity about our ancient people with his few well-chosen words. We live on them till today, even though it was not his original intent. “How goodly are your tents Yaakov…” Had he been allowed to push his wicked agenda and say anything other than the truth who knows how he would have distorted our image as the Merchant of Venice or some other libelous lie that taints our legacy and haunts us now for thousands of years! The Bilaam’s of the world are still on the prowl and we are frequently torpedoed with titles we don’t deserve like “racist” for just daring to exist?

On the local level though, we can all appreciate how people are broken or built by just a very few words! An elderly woman and her little grandson, whose face was sprinkled with bright freckles, spent the day at the zoo. Lots of children were waiting in line to get their cheeks painted by a resident artist who was decorating them with tiger paws.. “You’ve got so many freckles, there’s no place to paint!” a girl in the line said to the little boy. Embarrassed, the little guy dropped his head. His grandmother knelt down next to him. “I love your freckles. When I was a little girl I always wanted freckles,” she said, while tracing her finger across the child’s cheek. “Freckles are beautiful!” The boy looked up, “Really?” “Of course,” said the grandmother. “Why just name me one thing that’s more beautiful than freckles.” The little boy thought for a moment, peered intensely into his grandmother’s face, and softly whispered, “Wrinkles!”

DvarTorah, Copyright © 2007 by Rabbi Label Lam and Torah.org.

 A Different Kind Of Friend

Parshas Balak

Posted on July 17, 2019 (5779) By Rabbi Yochanan Zweig | Series: Rabbi Zweig on the Parsha | Level: Intermediate Beginner

 

“He perceived no iniquity in Yaakov, and saw no perversity in Yisroel. Hashem his G-d is with him, and the friendship of the King is in him.” (23:21)

The commentators translate “teruas melech” as “the friendship of the King”, “teruas” being from the word “rayus” – “friendship”. Rashi explains the verse as Balaam expressing the futility of any attempt to curse Bnei Yisroel, for Hashem does not scrutinize their iniquity nor criticize them for their shortcomings, even when they provoke Him by maliciously violating His word[1]. Why would not criticizing a person for his wrongdoing be an expression of friendship? On the contrary, a true friend is not afraid to criticize, for that is the manner in which he expresses his concern for his friend’s well-being.

In Parshas Kedoshim we find the commandment “ve’ahavta lerayacha kamocha” – “you should love your friend as you love yourself[2].” Translating “rayacha” as “neighbor” is incorrect. Rayacha is derived from the word “rayus” – “friendship”. From this verse we can derive that in the hierarchy of relationships, love is greater than friendship, for we are commanded to love a person who already is our friend: “ve’ahavta lerayacha”. In the last of the Sheva Berachos, the seven blessings established by the Rabbis as part of the wedding ceremony, we thank Hashem for the various levels of relationships which can be attained by the bride and groom. Presumably, we give thanks in ascending order. Here we say “ahava ve’achva shalom verayus” – “love, brotherhood, harmony, and friendship”. The implication is that the relationship of friendship transcends that of love. How do we reconcile this apparent contradiction?

In his commentary that introduces Pirkei Avos, the Shmoneh Perakim, the Rambam cites Aristotle who defines various levels of friendship. The most common type are friends with whom a person shares experiences. Although he may enjoy their company, a person still maintains a facade, unwilling to present his vulnerabilities to them, for fear that they may use this information against him. Very rarely, do we find a friend in whom we place our complete trust and for whom we are willing to let down our guard and share our insecurities. This only occurs if we sense that this friend is completely dedicated to our growth and his actions are motivated by his concern for our best interests.

There is no contradiction between the verse in Parshas Kedoshim and the terminology used at the Sheva Berachos. The verse is teaching us that we should learn to love our friends who fall into the first category. The Rabbis bless the married couple that their relationship should transcend from love to the friendship of the second category.

It is difficult to accept criticism graciously, especially when the criticism emanates from an injured party. The reason for this is that we convince ourselves that the criticism is not being levied because the person cares for us, rather because he is an injured party. This is only true of a friend from the first category. However, if the criticism is given by a person who we know to have our best interests at heart, we can accept that the rebuke is meant to prevent us from harmful behavior. Rashi’s interpretation of the verse is thus: It is because of our “rayus” – friendship with Hashem that He does not criticize us for what we have done to Him. Hashem is willing to overlook the hurt that we cause Him. It is only for the damage which we cause ourselves that Hashem rebukes and punishes us, for Hashem’s only agenda is our best interests.

st interests.