Tons of Love • Torah.org

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Posted on April 23, 2020 (5780) By Rabbi Label Lam | Series: Dvar Torah | Level: Beginner

 

And the person with Tzaraas, in whom there is

the lesion, his garments shall be torn, his head shall be unshorn, he shall cover himself down to his mustache and call out, “Unclean!

Unclean!”

 

All the days the lesion is upon him, he shall remain unclean. He is unclean; he shall dwell isolated; his dwelling shall be outside the camp. (Vayikra 13:45-46)

 

These are very harsh conditions for the

Metzora to endure. Yes, he spoke Loshon Hora (gossip) and he was the cause that people became separated from each other and this is his just repayment “Mida Knegged Mida” – measure for measure. However, isolation is severe. The toughest punishment a prisoner can receive is solitary confinement. That breaks a person more than physical deprivation. To be cut off from society is a huge dose of Din – Judgement!

 

Even if the goal is to get him to recognize “the evil of his ways” and to mend his behavior, it may just drive him further away in the end. I know too many examples of people who reacted negatively to punishment, not realizing it was tough love, and as a result they ran even further away. Therefore, it may be important for the Metzora, the isolated one, sitting alone in quarantine, to understand that he finds himself in a setting that is not a purely punitive.

 

This I heard from one of my holy Rebbeim, Rabbi Ezriel Tauber ztl. Every situation in life has a mixture of DIN- Judgment, Rachamim – Mercy, and Chessed – Kindliness! How so!?

 

Chaim just finished an inspired Davening and now he’s driving to work on the West Side Highway. He’s on his way to an important early morning meeting. Traffic is flowing swimmingly and the weather is fair and it looks like all systems are humming perfectly. Chaim is listening to a Daf HaYomi Shiur and life could not be better.

 

Suddenly, flub flub flub, his right front tire blows out and he puts on his yellow blinkers as he crawls in the right lane looking for a place to pull over. By the time he reaches the rare cut out area which qualifies for a shoulder on the road he has terribly torn up the tire and maybe ruined the rim too. He calls roadside service, AAA or Oy Oy Oy, and they tell him that help is on the way and will be there in 45 minutes. Now he will miss that important meeting. His boss will be upset.

Now let’s examine this situation using these three lenses of Din, Rachamim, and Chessed. The obvious Din is that he’s out the price of tire and he has some repairing to do at work. What  had he done to deserve this!? I don’t think anyone can say for sure. Maybe something terrible! Maybe nothing at all!

 

The Rachamim in this scene is that perhaps this was just a slap on the wrist in comparison to what he truly deserved. No one can be certain, but Boruch HASHEM it was his tire and not his car or him that was damaged or lost. He found a rare shoulder spot on the road. He is sitting in a safe place. He has road side service. He’s been spared, because he has a spare. He has only to wait 45 minutes and all will be well again very soon.

 

The Chessed in the scenario is he’s alive. He can breathe. At that very time his wife is doing carpool and taking their two healthy children to school. He has time to listen more carefully to his Daf HaYomi Shiur. This list is actually endless.

 

Employing these three ways of seeing each situation can free the person from obsessing on a “woe is me” and “why me” attitude and allow them to see that what looks like a punishment is really a hug. The Talmud says, “Push away with the left and draw close with the right!” The   standard understanding is that the left is weaker than the right and the pushing away is only to draw even closer. I heard an alternative explanation that if you do both the pushing away and the drawing close at the same time you turn the person, and that slightly new perspective can help them understand that in the tough is tons of love.

Good News and Bad News

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Posted on April 26, 2012 (5772) By Rabbi Label Lam | Series: Dvar Torah | Level: Beginner

 

And the person with Tzaraas in whom there is

the affliction – his garments shall be torn, the hair of his head shall be unshorn, and he shall cloak himself up to his lips; he is to call out, “Contaminated, contaminated!” All the days the affliction is upon him he shall remain

contaminated. He shall dwell in isolation; his dwelling shall be outside the camp. (Vayikra 13:45-46)

 

Tzarass is woefully misunderstood. It is seen as an archaic matter, a form of leprosy that for some reason is no longer applicable or relevant. The truth is that Tzarass, according to the sainted Chofetz Chaim was a blessing in disguise. How so?

 

I went through half a dozen clunker cars until I learned two important words that have served me in good stead. Actually it was not until I bought a more expensive vehicle and realized that I was not comfortable making payments for a car that no longer functioned that I bothered to take the user’s manual out of the glove compartment of the car and discover this two word phrase that has granted longer and healthier life to every one of my automobiles ever since. By the way, those two words are, “Oil change!”

 

Now, though, the newer cars have something the older ones did not and that is the proverbial, “Amber light!” Once the amber light goes on, or the “check engine” sign on the dashboard it’s time to ask. Without that earlier warning system we are at a real disadvantage. Tzarass was a sort of earlier warning system, an amber-light to alert us that spiritual deficiencies were starting wreak havoc on our system. We operate now at a distinct disadvantage without Tzarass!

 

There’s an old country folksy phrase that goes like this, “You can hide the fire, but what are you gonna do with all the smoke?!” Tzarass is like smoke bellowing out form the engine of our being, a scent of danger to remind us repair our ways. Although, Tzarass, technically, is   no longer active the concept of Tzarass is still very much alive!

 

Guilt also got a bad rap for similar reasons but it’s also good in a way that needs explanation. Guilt is to the soul what pain is to the body. Although nobody likes to experience pain it can be extremely beneficial. A person without the ability to feel pain would certainly be likely to be missing digits and whole limbs. While making a salad they might realize a little too late that the red in in the bowl is not from tomatoes, pardon me! Both guilt and pain if properly responded to, serve to guide us away from certain damage.

Another signal that helps us figure out what might be wrong is in the arena of raising children. In a class I have been giving for a while called, “The Ten Commandments of Parenting”. The first of the “big ten” is “I am HASHEM your G-d Who took you out from the land of Egypt, from the house of bondage!” The first commandment of parenting is that parents too stand before their children, whether aware or not, and say with their actions, “This is who we are and this is what we do!” It’s no wonder that in the first paragraph is written, “And these words that I command you today you shall place upon your heart and you should teach them to your children.”

First, they must be on your heart and then to be taught because children read the heart. They have a sincerity meter that’s extremely sensitive! In the second paragraph of “Shema” it says, “And you should teach your children to speak in them (Torah)” and then it continues to tell us how to teach this lesson, “with your sitting in your house, and your- going on your way and the way you go to bed and the way you rise up”.

Children are following their primary role models, their parent!

 

A young lady was asked by a Rabbi at a general lecture, “What is your parents’ greatest source of pleasure?” A broad smile came across her face and she replied, Me!” The Rabbi continued his line of questioning, “What’s your parents’ greatest source of pain?” Now with in a more somber tone she responded, “My sister!” Why are kids both the greatest source of pleasure and the greatest source of pain? I believe we all realize intuitively that they are “us- (mother and father) playing out our real selves on the big screen of life.

 

Many things are a form of Tzarass, in that they can lead us to make critical adjustment before  it’s too late. All of life is a self-portrait and the canvass on which we operate grabs our undivided attention, all too often only when we witness vivid pictures of good news and bad news.

 

DvarTorah, Copyright © 2007 by Rabbi Label Lam and Torah.org.