Family Friction

Parshas Ki Seitzei

Posted on September 12, 2019 (5779) By Rabbi Berel Wein | Series: Rabbi Wein | Level: Beginner

 

This week’s Torah portion deals with many different issues of human behavior and family relations. We are all aware that the relationships between parents and children, as well as between other relatives in the same family are often difficult ones and fraught with potential danger, frustration and even tragedy. People within a family are very capable of disliking and even hating one another despite their biological and social connection. This is because in the basic family structure there exists a bond of love between the members of the family that is natural and quite strong. And any time strong love is present, the possibility of strong hate always lurks in the background.\

Precisely because children love their parents, they feel justified in holding them to unrealistic standards of behavior and attitude. And since parents often fall short of such absolute perfection, the resentment towards them can become so great as to lead to awful family disputes. Hard statistics reveal that most murders occur between perpetrators and victims who are related or know each other well. These family members have experienced disappointment and often complain of severe mistreatment.

There are many current theories as to how to properly raise children and create tranquility and harmony within the family unit. But, as is true in almost all areas of life, one size does not fit all, and it is difficult to fit each separate case into any general rule. Because of this, it is obvious that every family must sort through relationships and affairs individually. Very rarely if ever can any outside source, no matter how wise or professional, solve the problems and workings of the family unit.

From the narrative that appears regarding the rebellious son – a narrative that according to one opinion in the Talmud is to be treated only as a metaphor – it is clear that we are being taught that there are instances when no logical or rational solution is present or possible. It is difficult for us in our time, when we have unlocked so many doors regarding the mysteries of science, technology and medicine to have to admit that there are basic human problems that exist within family relationships that we are powerless to solve on our own.

Later in the Torah we will read that that there are many hidden things in human life that only Heaven can deal with. We can only do the best that we can, to the extent that we are physically, emotionally and intellectually able. There is no question that this limitation upon our omnipotence is very frustrating especially to modern humans who believe that they are capable of everything.

By realizing that paradoxically we can accomplish more than we thought possible in times of difficulty, eventually we know that we must rely upon the G-d that infuses us with life, to help us solve all difficult situations and to accept G-d’s will.

Shabbat shalom
Rabbi Berel Wein

 

Relentless

Parshas Ki Seitzei

Posted on September 11, 2019 (5779) By Rabbi Pinchas Avruch | Series: Kol HaKollel | Level: Beginner

 

Of the seventy four mitzvos (Divine commands) recorded in this week’s Torah reading, three appear in the final three verses. “Remember what Amalek did to you, on the way when you were leaving Egypt…It shall be that when G-d, your L-rd, gives you rest from all your enemies all around, in the Land that G-d your L-rd gives you as an inheritance to possess it, you shall wipe out the memory of Amalek from under the heaven – you shall not forget.” (Devarim/Deuteronomy 25:17,19). Because we are in an era which does not have a Bais Hamikdash (Holy Temple in Jerusalem) and the Jewish Nation is not living collectively in the Land of Israel, the central mitzvah – that of wiping out the Amalekite nation – cannot be fulfilled. What about the mitzvah of remembering? If the purpose of remembering is to facilitate the command to annihilate, does that mean that remembering is also not relevant at this time?

Rabbi Moshe Feinstein (1895-1986; Rosh Yeshiva/Dean of Mesivtha Tifereth Jerusalem in New York City; the leading Halachic/Jewish legal decisor of his time and one of the principal leaders of Torah Jewry through much of the last century) clarifies that the obligation to remember is very much incumbent upon us. We are obligated to remember the potential for evil inherent in every human being. Medrash Tanchuma (Ki Seitzei 9) relates that the Amalekites witnessed all that G-d did to extricate the Children of Israel from the tyranny of Egyptian bondage, but with a passionate contempt for G-d strove to demonstrate that the Jews were not invincible. G-d allowed Amalek to succeed because of sins of the Jewish nation, and Amalek knew that if they would succeed, the Jews would repent and avenge the attack in battle. Nevertheless, they STILL assailed the Jews because of the opportunity it offered to disgrace the Divine name. For this, the Medrash compares Amalek to one who jumps into a tub of boiling water, knowing that he will be severely burned, to merely succeed in cooling the waters within. Such evil is latent in the souls of everyone.

It is easy for us to believe, warns Rabbi Feinstein, that such evil is only in the hearts of the barbaric, that we must only concern ourselves with the “fine tuning” of our interpersonal relationships and our service of G-d. Not so. Seeing the descent of the Amalekites into such a spiritual abyss must create a cognizance that it can happen to anyone. We, too, must focus on our spiritual resolve in the areas of theft, murder and licentiousness. He concludes that in the Neilah (Closing) service of Yom Kippur (Day of Atonement) – in the waning moments of the holiest day of year, after countless hours of prayer, confession and repentance – we STILL need to implore that G-d grant us special assistance in “withdrawing our oppressive hand”. We are no less flesh and blood than Amalek and must never become complacent in the scrupulous attention given to any mitzvah. As Hillel taught, “Do not believe in yourself until the day you die.” (Pirkei Avos/Ethics of the Fathers 2:5) The Yetzer Hara (evil inclination) is a tireless foe.

The month of Elul that precedes Rosh Hashana (the Jewish New Year) is a time dedicated to introspection and taking spiritual inventory. While our focus is continued growth and strength in our relationship with the Creator of the Universe, we must appreciate that none of our past achievements are securely “ours”. But a tenet of the human experience is that life’s greatest pleasures – a thriving business, successful children, a strong marriage – demand the greatest effort. The battle with the Yetzer Hara (evil inclination) is fierce and relentless, but the reward – the most sublime pleasure available: a relationship with the Divine – could not be more worth it!

Have a good Shabbos!

Please forward your questions for Rabbi Avruch to RabbiAvruch@MilwaukeeKollel.org

Kol HaKollel is a publication of the Milwaukee Kollel ­ Center for Jewish Studies 5007 West Keefe Avenue; Milwaukee, Wisconsin; 414-447-7999

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Copyright © 2002 by Rabbi Pinchas Avruch and Project Genesis, Inc.

Kol HaKollel is a publication of the Milwaukee Kollel ­ Center for Jewish Studies 5007 West Keefe Avenue; Milwaukee, Wisconsin; 414-447-7999

 

Life Between the Cracks

Parshas Ki Seitzei

Posted on August 24, 2018 (5778) By Mordechai Dixler | Series: Lifeline | Level: Beginner

 

I was about 15 years old when I lost a Siddur (prayer book) on a backpacking trip near the summit of New Hampshire’s Mt. Washington, the highest peak in the Northeastern United States. It must have fallen out of my pocket at a pit-stop along the hike. After my return to New York, I had no dreams of seeing that Siddur again. Besides, it didn’t have much sentimental value to me, so it wasn’t a great loss.

Some time later, maybe a few months, I received a manila envelope in the mail addressed to me, and inside I was shocked to find my Siddur. The short handwritten note inside explained that the finder was hiking along the Mt. Washington trail and found this little book between the rocks with my address in it, and they thought I would want it back. This random kindness from a complete stranger left a strong impression on my 15 year old mind, and of course I wrote back a grateful reply.

The return of another’s property, even the smallest thing, can bring them so much joy.

It’s a Mitzva to return lost items, as detailed in this week’s Torah portion (Deut 22:1-3). From a careful reading of the verse — “VaHaSheivosa Lo” – “and you should return it to him” — the Talmud (Sanhedrin 63a) extends this commandment to healing others, returning their health and ability to live.

If this Mitzva applies to physical objects and physical wellbeing, then it surely applies to restoring a spiritual loss. As much as we value the things we own and our health, our greatest value is our spiritual life. We derive so much meaning from our relationships with others, and our relationship with G-d. Just like my prayer book, so many souls have fallen between the rocks. How many have become lost in the endless pursuit of the perfect house, the perfect job, the perfect car, and the perfect restaurant? People may not be in touch with the reality, but there is so much joy to be found in a spiritual experience, and a spiritual relationship with the source of all life and meaning, our Al-mighty Creator. (Based on Tiferes Shimshon)

“Lo Suchal L’Hisalem” – “We can’t hide and ignore (Deut 22:3)” what’s being lost in our culture of indulgence and diversion. True love to our friends and family, and even complete strangers, is expressed when we introduce them to a prayer, a Mitzva, and an inspiring or novel Torah thought. Have you perhaps read something on Torah.org that you appreciated, or that left an impression on you? Print it out for someone, or share it on social media. Take that extra step to return your friend’s most valued possession.