One Step Back – Two Steps Forward

Parshas Mishpatim

Posted on February 10, 2021 (5781) By Rabbi Mordechai Kamenetzky | Series: Drasha| Level: Beginner

Among the complicated fiduciary matters that this week’s portion discusses, the Torah deals with seemingly simple and mundane issues as well. The Torah talks about donkeys. Heavily laden donkeys that belong to your enemy. The Torah tells us, “if you see the donkey of someone you hate and you refrain from assisting him, you shall repeatedly help him” (Exodus 23:5). Obviously the interjected phrase “and you refrain from assisting him” begs clarification.

 

After all, if you mustn’t refrain from helping him, why mention it in the first place? Rashi explains that the words are to be read rhetorically, “Would you refrain from helping him? How can you let a personal grudge take precedence over the poor animal’s pain?

 

Surely you shall continuously help him.” The Talmud (Bava Metzia 32) takes the words at face value and explains that there are actually certain situations where one must actually refrain from helping unload donkeys. I would also like to offer the verse at face value.

 

As a youngster, I heard the following story about the great mussar luminary, Rabbi Yisrael Salanter. Rabbi Salanter was traveling by train from Salant to Vilna and was sitting in a smoking car holding a lit cigar. A young man accosted him by yelling about the putrid odor of the smoke. Other passengers were appalled. After all, they were in the smoking car. Despite that, Rabbi Salanter extinguished the cigar and opened the train’s window to dissipate the fumes. It was only a few seconds before the young man slammed the window down, while screaming at the elderly sage for opening it. Rabbi Salanter apologized profusely to the man young enough to be his child, and buried himself in a Jewish book of law.

 

Upon arriving in Vilna, the young man was horrified to see throngs of people gathered to receive one of Europe’s most prominent Rabbis. The man immediately ran to the home where Rabbi Salanter was staying. He began to beg forgiveness. “Don’t worry,” explained Reb Yisrael, “a trip can make one edgy.

 

 I bear no ill will. Tell me,” continued the mussar master, “why did you come to Vilna?”

 

The young man explained that he was looking to become an ordained shochet, (slaughterer), and an approbation from a Vilna rabbi would be universally accepted. Rabbi Salanter smiled. “My own son-in-law, Reb Elya Lazer, can ordain you. He is a Rav in Vilna. Rest up and tomorrow you can take the test.

 

The next day, it was apparent that the man needed more than rest, for he failed miserably. However, that did not deter Rabbi Salanter. He encouraged the man to try again. For the next several weeks, Rabbi Yisrael arranged for tutors and prepared the young man well enough to pass Reb Elya Lazer’s make-up exam along with the tests of a host of other well-known Vilna rabbis. He even arranged for the man to get a job.

 

Before leaving Vilna, the man appeared before Reb Yisrael with tears in his eyes. “Tell me, Rebbe,” he cried. “I was able to understand that you could forgive me for my terrible arrogance on the train. But why did you help me so much? That, I can never understand.”

 

“Reb Yisrael sat him down, held his hand and explained. “It is easy to say ‘I forgive you’. But deep down, how does one really know if he still bears a grudge? Way down in my heart I actually was not sure. The only way to remove a grudge is to take action. One who helps another develops a love for the one he aided. By helping you, I created a true love which is overwhelmingly more powerful than the words, ‘I forgive you’.”

 

The Torah tells us that if you see the donkey of your enemy keeling from its burden and you want to refrain from helping, know then, that now is the time to help. The minute your feet falter, then it is time to quicken the pace, overpower your emotions and make a move. The Torah understands human nature all too well. The sub-conscience speaks very loudly and often tells us to take three steps backwards. That is the time to make a move that will heal old wounds and close open sores. Overpowering kindness will not only help ease burdens off a donkey, it will make things a lot lighter for you as well.

Teachable Moments

Parshas Mishpatim

Posted on February 16, 2012 (5772) By Rabbi Label Lam | Series: Dvar Torah| Level: Beginner

Do not offend a stranger (verbally) and do not oppress him (financially) because you were strangers in the land of Egypt. (Shemos 22:20)

 

Because you were strangers: If you hurt him with words he can say to you that you also come from strangers. “Do not tease friend about a blemish that you- yourself possess!” A stranger is someone who was not born in that country but rather came from a different country to live there. (Rashi)

 

It sounds a little odd that we should not put down a stranger is because the same thing could be said about us! Is that a worthy reason? Don’t do it because it’s offensive! It’s wrong! That’s all!

 

Do we need a justification at all? Why then are we reminded that we were strangers in Egypt as a reason not to speak hurtful words to a stranger?

 

It could be that we might even have a stronger subconscious tendency to look down on someone that reminds us of our own weakness or vulnerability. Perhaps that’s what Rashi means but maybe there’s another purpose to those words, “because you were strangers in the land of Egypt.”

 

One of my boys, when he was in grade school, was being picked on daily. We wanted badly to champion his cause but he refused to identify the instigators. The administration and Rebbe were consulted. Attempts were made to squelch it. Nothing changed. The poor kid came home in tears every day. We all know the remedy. Kids who pick on others only do it when they sense that they are getting a reaction. There’s a tendency to want to tell a child (or an adult) “Don’t let them bother you!”

 

Unfortunately it rarely works. If someone tells you not to think about pink elephants suddenly they are dancing even more in your head. He was in pain, and we were frustrated. What were we to do?

 

With help from heaven I stumbled upon a practical approach. At first I sat with my boy and asked him what they had been saying about him that made him feel so tortured. The words bled out slowly, “dummy-head”, “cookoo”, “stinky” and stuff like that. I wrote down each on a piece of paper and tried to logically dispute the veracity of their claims. I soon realized though, that I was talking to the head when it was the heart that hurt. Then in I put my money where their mouths were and I gave him three dollars- one for each false utterance. I now had his undivided attention. I asked him to please do me a favor and write down each insulting phrase they say tomorrow and that I would pay him a dollar for every one. I even gave him a special pad of paper and a pen for the occasion.

 

Well, the next day he came home with a long face covered with sadness. I was curious to see the paper. Empty! He reported that nobody teased him today. It worked! Once they realized that not only was he not poised to be hurt by their words and that he was happily awaiting them their thrill was ended and so they ceased.

 

Now that it was finally over, I didn’t want to lose this precious parental opportunity to crown the episode with a lasting lesson. This was the teachable moment! I felt it necessary to tell my son the following which he accepted with unusual depth and sensitivity, “Now that you know what it feels like to be picked on you should make certain not to do it to anybody else. If there is ever a kid who is different or isolated or is for whatever odd reason a candidate for being picked on you should make it your business to befriend or defend him. With that in mind, son, maybe this whole messy episode will have been worthwhile!”

 

It could be that our struggles and even our most suffering situations, just like being in Egypt, can be converted into super assets. How so? In English there’s a difference between the words, “sympathy” and “empathy”. “Sympathy” is a remote feeling of pity while “empathy” is a feeling of identification with another’s pain. Maybe it’s a strategy to keep from feeling superior to the stranger amongst us to consciously recall our vulnerabilities and realize teachable moments.

 

DvarTorah, Copyright © 2007 by Rabbi Label Lam and Torah.org.

 

 

Yisro – A Man of Conviction

Parshas Yisro

Posted on February 13, 2004 (5764) By Rabbi Jeff Kirshblum | Series: Thinking Outside the Box | Level: Beginner

The Talmud in (Sotah 11a) tells us that Pharaoh had three advisers: Yisro, Iyov and Bilaam.

 

When Pharoh was deciding the most prudent method to exterminate the Jewish people, he sought the opinion of each of his three advisers.

 

Bilaam, the grandson of Lavan, was an evil man and relished the prospect of eradicating the Jewish people. It was he who advised Pharaoh to kill the male Israelites.

 

Iyov was opposed to any plan to destroy the Jewish nation. Rather than display his true feelings on the issue, he refrained from offering any opinion. Perhaps he knew that his objections would be met with resistance. He most likely rationalized that he could do more to help the plight of the Jewish people at a later date by remaining in his position as advisor. As a result, he decided not to oppose or accept Bilaam’s proposal, but remained silent.

 

Yisro, on the other hand, vocally rejected Pharaoh’s idea of exterminating the Jewish people.

 

Yisro believed it was wrong that these people should be made to suffer for no crime other then being Jewish. Yisro’s loud protests angered Pharaoh and Yisro had to flee Egypt in order to save his life.

 

The Talmud continues by telling us that each of the three advisers was rewarded or punished according to his deed. Bilaam, who encouraged the execution of thousands of innocent Jews, was killed by the very people he sought to exterminate. Iyov, who remained silent in the face of Jewish oppression, was afflicted with a life of pain and suffering. Yisro, who fled because of his opposition, sacrificing his position of leadership and life of comfort and wealth in Egypt, eventually became the father-in-law of Moshe and his descendants became prominent judicial leaders of the Children of Israel.

 

We know that a very basic tenet of Judaism is that G-d repays a person measure for measure.

 

Therefore, we can clearly understand the reward and punishment of Yisro and Bilaam.

 

However, why was Iyov’s punishment so severe? Iyov did not support the decree of persecution against the Jewish people. In fact, even if Iyov had objected, Pharaoh would have still enacted his decree. Iyov’s only sin was remaining silent. Why then did he have to suffer such a harsh life, one where tragedy followed tragedy?

 

The Brisker Rav, Rabbi Yitzchak Zev Soloveitchik, explains that the infliction brought upon Iyov was indeed a punishment measure for measure. Iyov reasoned that he would not accomplish anything by objecting to Pharaoh’s decree, therefore he did not raise his voice against it. As a punishment for his silence, G-d brought upon him terrible pains and suffering. Due to his terrible plight, Iyov was provoked to cry out to G-d and complain. Wasn’t Iyov the same person who chose not to raise his voice to Pharaoh’s decree? Didn’t Iyov believe that protesting accomplishes nothing? If this is so, then why was Iyov objecting now?

 

Iyov raised his voice in protest now, because it was Iyov who was personally suffering. When one suffers, he instinctively yells out in pain. Although yelling may not alleviate the pain, it does register a strong sign of disapproval. Iyov was now raising his voice as a sign of his disapproval of his painful personal situation. He was no longer silent. Thus Iyov’s punishment stirred him to react in a manner that in turn demonstrated the error of his failure to raise his voice in protest against Pharaoh’s heinous plan.

 

The Rambam (Hilchos Ta’anis, chapter 1) states that it is a positive Torah commandment to cry out and sound trumpets when disaster threatens the Jewish people. He bases that on the verse “When you go to war in your land against an enemy who oppresses you, you shall call out with trumpets so that you shall be remembered before the L-rd your G-d and you shall be saved from your enemies” (Bamidbar10:9).

 

The Rambam explains that the concept of trumpeting and calling out is not only in times of war, but for every impending tragedy. It is a signal for the individual and for the masses to evaluate their situation. They must determine if it is their own misdeeds that have brought the threat upon themselves. Without that signal, the threat will merely be accepted as a fact of life and the purpose of the tragedy will be for naught.

 

Today, the Jewish Nation is faced with a great many threats. There are threats from enemies on the outside and from enemies within our own ranks. Too many of us remain silent; our voices are not heard. Many of us feel that protests will not accomplish anything. They are the Iyov’s of our generation. The pain of our brothers and sisters must be felt as if it is our own pain. We must sound out the trumpets of our conscience. We cannot stand by as though we are neutral. As Dante said: The worst place in purgatory is reserved for those who are neutral in times of crisis”.

 

 

 

Leap of Faith

Parshas Beshalach

Posted on January 27, 2021 (5781) By Rabbi Mordechai Kamenetzky | Series: Drasha| Level: Beginner

A defining moment of Jewish faith takes place on the shores of the Yam Suf, the Reed Sea, as the fleeing, fledgling nation is cornered into a quick and fateful decision. Trapped between raging waters and a raging Egyptian army, the nation had but few choices to make. Some froze in fright. Others wanted to run back to Egypt straight into the hands of their former tormentors.

 

Others just prayed. Still others wanted to wage war against the former taskmasters. But one group, led by Nachshon ben Aminadav forged ahead. Replacing fear with faith, he plunged into the sea. Only then did the sea split and the Jews cross. The Egyptians pursued. The waters returned, and the enemy was left bobbing in a sea of futility, totally vanquished under the turbulent waters. In defining that moment of faith, the Torah tells us,” Israel saw the great hand that Hashem inflicted upon Egypt; and the people revered Hashem, and they had faith in Hashem and in Moses, His servant” (Exodus 14:31). The strange connection between faith in Hashem and Moshe His servant needs clarification. What is the minor role of the servant in relationship to the great role of faith in the Almighty?

 

After hearing a fiery speech about the meaning of faith, a disciple of Rabbi Yisrael Salanter approached him and asked, “Rebbe, are you telling me that if I have perfect faith in Hashem, He will provide me with all my needs?”

 

Rabbi Salanter affirmed. “Yes, my son,” he smiled. “If one has perfect faith in the Almighty, He will provide for him.” The man mad a quick reposte. “Good, if that is the case I need no longer work. I will sit and study Torah and rely solely on my faith, and the 20,000 rubles that I’ll need to survive will come to me in full as if it were manna from Heaven!” The man went home and began to study Torah.

 

But after one week when the money did not appear he returned to the Rabbi to complain. “I have the faith you claimed to need, and so far no money has arrived!”

 

Rabbi Yisrael was pensive. “I’ll tell you what,” he said. “I will offer you 8,000 rubles cash today if you would commit yourself to give me the 20,000 rubles that you are sure will come to you because of your faith.” The man jumped from his chair. “8,000 rubles! Sure! I’ll take it.” Rabbi Yisrael Salanter smiled, “who in his right mind would give up 20,000 rubles for a mere 8,000 rubles? Only someone with does not have perfect faith that he will receive 20,000 rubles! If one is positive that he is about to receive 20,000 rules, and is absolutely confident that it is coming, he would not, in his right mind, give it up for a mere 8,000! Obviously you have more faith in my 8,000 rubles then in Hashem’s 20,000!”

 

The Torah tells us that the nation feared G-d, and it believed in Moshe, His servant. Notice that the first and foremost belief is in the Almighty. That immortal faith is the springboard for faith in all the mortal messengers, who are only vehicles of His command.

Normally, more or less, man believes in man much faster then he believes in G-d. On a hot tip, people throw thousands at the market. Ominous predictions of economic forecasters send us into panic. On a doctor’s dire prognosis, we react with despair. We forget that the source of faith is in the Almighty. Only then can we believe in his messengers.

 

Rabbi Yeruchom Levovitz, z”l, the Mashgiach of the Mirrer Yeshiva explains that the Jews at the sea reached the highest level of faith. Their following of Moshe was not in any sense due to his charisma or prior leadership. It was due to a total subjugation to a faith in an immortal Hashem. Only then did they follow the lead of a Moshe. That is the faith of those who take the leap. It is a faith they would not trade or deal for any offer in the world.

 

Dedicated by Michael & Rikki Charnowitz in memory of Ephraim Spinner Liluy Nishmas Ephraim Yitzchok ben R’ Avraham — 17 Shevat

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Copyright © 2001 by Rabbi M. Kamenetzky and Project Genesis, Inc.

 

 

Constant Miracles

Parshas Beshalach

Posted on February 7, 2025 (5785) By Rabbi Label Lam | Series: Dvar Torah| Level: Beginner

And Moshe stretched out his hand over the sea, and HASHEM led the sea with the strong east wind all night, and He made the sea into dry land and the waters split. (Shemos14:21)

 

The livelihood of a person is as difficult as the splitting of the sea. (Pesachim118.)

 

The matching of someone with a mate is as difficult as the splitting of the sea, (Sota 2:)

 

There is a classic and obvious question here crying out for an answer? “Is anything too wondrous for HASHEM!?” It’s a rhetorical question. Affirmatively stated, HASHEM can do anything! So, the question is about these two statements from the Talmud equating the difficulty of splitting the sea with earning livelihood and finding a marriage partner. Nothing is hard for HASHEM! There are many illuminating answers and approaches to this question. I would like to try two on for size.

 

People have often asked me, “Rabbi, do you really believe that HASHEM split the sea?” My answer is simple. “Yes!” However, the questioner needs an explanation that will first fit into his world view before stretching, challenging his assumptions and shattering his paradigm. What we call nature is really repeating miracles. If something happens one time, we call it miraculous.

 

If it happens repeatedly and predictably, then we call it nature. If a baby was born on the edge of a tree, the world would be astonished. If it is done over and over again on trees across the fruited plain, it would be a nuisance. All that changed was the regularity of the event.

 

Some events happen once in history, like the splitting of the sea. It was not hard for HASHEM to do. HASHEM can do anything. Other things happen once in a lifetime, like finding a life mate. It is no less miraculous than the splitting of the sea, and even though it happens with so many people, it should not be less astonishing to us. There are some events that happen every day, like making a living. Even though it is going on all the time, we are being told that it is not less wondrous in its enormity and individualized generosity than the splitting of the sea.

 

What was the reaction of the Jewish People when they were entering into the Land of Israel, at the end of forty years in the desert, and after having lived during that entire time on Mana from Heaven, and then they saw trees with colorful fruits hanging from the branches?! Since it was new to them, they considered it astonishingly miraculous, and more so than the Mana which had become commonplace. For us, trees don’t do it, but if Mana fell, we’d be amazed.

 

Approach number two is much different. My son told me in the name of the Sefas Emes that the Sefas Emes makes a keen observation about this question of things being KASHA–HARD for HASHEM, he says that there is another KASHA – mentioned in the Talmud and no one asks about this matter which is also described as being HARD for HASHEM. When it comes to the end of Sukkos, there is a separate, standalone Yom Tov called Shimini Atzeres. The sages describe the reason for this seeming extension of Sukkos. HASHEM says, “KASHA Alai Predaschem”–“What is hard for Me is your departing!” “I hate to see you go!”.

 

The Sefas Emes explains that that “KASHA” that it is difficult for HASHEM to have us depart, is the same KASHA in the statements from the sages regarding making a livelihood and finding a match. What makes it KASHA hard for HASHEM, so to speak, and that is that if HASHEM would grant us whatever we need most automatically and without worry and struggle and prayer then there is a concern that right after we get what we seek, we would assume it was natural and we might then abandon HASHEM. That’s the KASHA. HASHEM, like a loving parent desires to shower His children with all good, but too much good or too much of a good thing might spoil us and be the cause for us to forget HASHEM. Asks, the Sefas Emes, so what is the proper response when we are treated to that which we need and desire most? The Sefas Emes answers, the same as when the People of Israel experience the splitting of the sea, they sang in unison SHIRA to HASHEM. Song is the appropriate response for one who realizes that he is the blessing beneficiary of constant miracles.

 

The True Spice of Life

Parshas Beshalach

Posted on February 10, 2017 (5777) By Rabbi Label Lam | Series: Dvar Torah| Level: Beginner

The layer of dew ascended and behold – it was over the surface of the Wilderness, something thin, exposed- thin as frost on the earth. The Children of Israel saw and said to one another, “Is it Manna?!” for they did not know what it was. (Shemos 16:14-15)

 

You open your hand and satisfy every living thing with its desire. (Tehillim 145) He gives to each and every person what they quest. Each and every person tasted in the Manna what he wanted… Rabbi Abba stated that he did not even have to request it with his mouth but rather if he just thought in his heart that this is what he desires, the taste was the taste of what he wanted! (Midrash Rabba)

 

That heaven-sent bread known as Manna that the Jewish People ate for their duration in the desert functioned like a kind of culinary Rorschach test. It tasted just like one wanted it to. All they had to do is think of what wanted and that was the flavor. Someone once famously asked the Chofetz Chaim how the Manna tasted if someone did not think. Something to the effect that, “if a person does not think then how can a thing taste?!” was his spicy response. I often wondered what that might mean.

 

Years ago I went to visit a friend on a hot summer day. After climbing to his apartment on the top floor he invited me in and offered a cold drink. There he placed a cold can of apple juice. I looked curiously at the Hebrew lettering studying the brand of the drink. “Very odd” I thought as I put the word together…Somech- Feh- Reish- Yud- Nun- Gimel, “SUFFERING?” That name will entice a drinker to happily partake?!  Then I turned the can around and there in English was the name “SPRING”.  Then I recognized my mistake and I also realized that the difference between an experience of SUFFERING and SPRING can be a single point.

 

I remember vividly from more than thirty five years ago when walking down the long driveway of the Yeshiva one wintery evening I looked up and the sky was filled with huge snowflakes gently gliding to earth. The Street light high above accented the depth of this awesome scene. My visceral reaction, “OY What a huge inconvenience this is gonna be!”

 

As I continued on my way, coming in the other direction was a young fellow from South Africa, Ben Tzion. He had never seen a single snowflake in his lifetime, till now. He was marching with glee, looking up at the same street light and shouting with radical awe, “MANNA from HEAVEN, MANNA from HEAVEN!”

 

As we passed each other it occurred to me how snow had lost its innocence with me over time and how darkened my attitude had become. We were both responding to the exact same phenomenon and having completely different experiences.

The son of an old friend who is learning in a nearby Yeshiva came to our house recently on a Shabbos when plenty of snow fell. When I drove him home after Shabbos he was busy telling me how amazing it is that these fragile and individual snowflakes when added together created such a huge effect.

 

We spoke about how great accomplishments in learning can be achieved with small and steady steps.  I told him about the Penny Harvest we are having in Yeshiva and the statement from the sages, “Each and every penny adds up to a great sum!”

 

There is so much to learn from snow.  I was thinking this morning  that King David writes, “It is He Who gives snow like fleece (a sheep’s wool coat)  and He scatters frost like ashes” (Tehillim 147) HASHEM will only make is so cold to the degree that the wool coat of the sheep can sustain and protect him protect him from the cold. So too HASHEM gives us challenges in life only to the extent that we can endure them and not more.

 

King David also writes, “Taste and See HASHEM is good!” (Tehillim 34) Maybe it means that a person could either taste or see that HASHEM is good. Maybe “taste”- Taamu can mean to reason- contemplate and if one invests thought they can then see HASHEM is good!  We joke all the time in our house, “Whoever invented (for example) dates or garlic or cantaloupe or bee honey knew what they were doing!” Tasting HASHEM changes the way we experience everything in life and is it not the true spice of life!

 

 

The Stroke of Midnight

Parshas Bo

Posted on January 29, 2025 (5785) By Rabbi Naftali Reich | Series: Legacy | Level: Beginner

Egypt was in ruins, utterly devastated by the first nine plagues. The cities were reduced to piles of rubble, with dead and wounded everywhere. Bloated carcasses of livestock littered fields denuded of crops and vegetation. The rivers and irrigation ditches were polluted and lifeless.

 

Now it was time to administer the coup de grace. The tenth and final plague, the death of all the firstborn, would sweep away the last vestige of resistance in Egyptian hearts, and they would finally release the Jewish people from bondage.

 

As the time of the Exodus draws near, Hashem instructs Moses to warn Pharaoh about the impending death of all the Egyptian firstborn “at the stroke of midnight.” Moses, however, made a small revision in this statement when he transmitted it to Pharaoh. Instead of saying “at the stroke of midnight,” he tells Pharaoh that the firstborn will die “near midnight.”

 

Why did he do this? The Sages explain that Moses was concerned the Egyptian astrologers might be somewhat less than accurate in their time-keeping. It was thus possible that the plague would indeed commence precisely at the stroke of midnight but that the astrologers would think it was a few minutes before or after midnight. Pharaoh might then be encouraged to mock Hashem’s might by accusing Him of being off in his timing and continue to resist.

 

Therefore, in order to defend the honor of Hashem, Moses told him the plague would take place “near midnight.”

 

It is utterly amazing that even at this point Pharaoh would find it in himself to continue to deny the power of Hashem and refuse to let the Jewish people go. How could a mere few minutes on the clock lead him to ignore the overwhelming evidence of his shattered country and the ubiquitous corpses of the firstborn, just as Hashem had warned?

 

There can be only one explanation. The total irrationality of the human ego under attack. Faced with total humiliation and defeat, Pharaoh sought desperately for the merest straw to grasp, no matter how insubstantial, no matter how irrational. As long as there was even the slightest flaw in the execution of the plague, he could delude himself into believing he could be ultimately victorious, if only he did not lose heart. Reason and good sense had absolutely nothing to do with it. No matter how absurd continued resistance appeared to wiser heads, he would refuse to capitulate.

 

While listening to the traffic report on the radio, an elderly woman heard that a car had entered the wrong way on an exit ramp of a major highway and was traveling against the flow of traffic.

 

Suddenly, the woman realized that her husband was driving on that very highway.

 

In a panic, she called him on the car phone to warn him.

 

“There’s a crazy guy driving the wrong way on your highway,” she asked. “Watch out for him.”

 

“One crazy guy?” he screamed back into the phone. “There are hundreds of them, all coming towards me.”

 

In our own lives, we have the tendency of going to great lengths in our own defense, like the man driving down the wrong side of the highway and calling everyone else crazy. Rather than admit to our own shortcomings and limitations, our natural inclination is to justify our actions and positions, even at the cost of viciously attacking opponents and detractors. If we were to stop and consider the wisdom of such a reaction, we would have to admit that it is irrational to defend an erroneous position rather than admit our error and go on. We would also have to face the possibility of damaging relations with spouses, families, friends or associates, or otherwise inflicting gratuitous damage. But the ego is a harsh master, and only when we gain control of it can we be said to be truly free.

 

Text Copyright © 2010 by Rabbi Naftali Reich and Torah.org.

Rabbi Reich is on the faculty of the Ohr Somayach Tanenbaum Education Center.

 

 

A Family

Parshas Bo

Posted on January 7, 2022 (5782) By Rabbi Label Lam | Series: Dvar Torah| Level: Beginner

Speak to the entire community of Israel, saying, “On the tenth of this month, let each one take a lamb for each parental home, a lamb for each household. (Shemos 12:3)

 

And these are the names of the sons of Israel who came to Egypt; with Yaakov, each man and his household came. (Shemos 1:1)

 

The Mitzvah of Chanuka is: A candle for each man and his household! (Shabbos 21B)

 

In his Haggadah, Rav Hirsch ztl. notes that the Jewish People were organized as a household unit when they entered the exile and they were also configured as households at the time of the exodus just as we find ourselves on Pesach ever since- not in a stadium but rather at home!

 

On Chanukah too, we rally around the Menorah as a household. The survival of the Jewish People and all civilization, as well, is dependent on the welfare of the family!

 

About the importance of the home as a primary survival unit he writes: “To inherit a home and to build a home – this encompasses a Jew’s ethical vocation on earth. Is it not the prerequisite for the hopes and perfection of all nations? If only this great Magna Carta were consulted wherever education and culture, peace and salvation of men and mankind are discussed. For the fate of men, their success or failure, is decided neither in the chambers of rulers nor on the battlefield. It is not decided in business concerns, in colleges and institutions of arts and sciences or in houses of worship. It is sealed only in one place, in the parental home…There exists no substitute for the home, and if one is looking elsewhere for the source of peace and prosperity, he is searching in vain. All of a nations politics and diplomacy, its theories of national economy and institutions for mass education, its trade and industry, its schools and community centers – none of these will save the people from extinction if they let the parental home become a parody. Are children born for the sake of the state’s false concern instead of the warm love of parents? Does the census show ever-growing numbers of children without parents and parents without children? Does the nation’s high society make a mockery of morality and modesty? If so, then all the palaces it is building are founded on quicksand.”

 

Many years ago, now, my oldest son was just returning from learning in Israel. He was ripe and ready for Shiduchim and we had a stack of resumes of wonderful prospects. My wife and I kept shuffling the papers and as we did, we found ourselves getting more confused. This is obviously an important life decision. Every resume, which is admittedly a woefully deficient and two-dimensional representation of a complete person, looked interesting and inviting for different reasons. We could not figure out what was really important. Head of GO, valedictorian, wealthy father, a famous family name, beauty, a good job, a brilliant academic career, which factor or combinations of factors should be attracting our attention.

 

We decided to call our Rebbe. At that time, he had married off 13 of his 14 children and shortly afterwards the 14th as well. He learns 60 Daf of Gemora every day for more than 50 years and we were thinking that perhaps, just perhaps he might have an extra insight or some real-life experience to help us navigate this confusing process. So, one evening we secluded ourselves in a quiet room and made the phone call. He was in Florida at the time convalescing from a shoulder injury. He picked up the phone and greeted me enthusiastically and I told him that I am here with my wife listening and we are trying to figure out what to look for in a Shidduch.

 

My wife sat poised with her pen ready to start writing every word he would utter.

 

There wasn’t a moment of hesitation and he said the following, “A family! A girl comes from a family! Look for a family!” My wife was just beginning to transcribe and then he said something very surprising. He said, “Good night!” and the call ended. I was about to ask if there is anything else or what about a family, but the call was over. My wife asked, “Did we fumble the call?” I told her, “I don’t think so! He said ‘Good night!’”

 

We sat there in stunned silence. All he said was, “Look for a family!” Then it dawned on us that if that’s all he mentioned, then that must be the most important factor. A girl comes from a family! A boy comes from a family! Together they will build a new family. Therefore, the most important thing must be a family!